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Sunday, September 30, 2007



A matter of perspective (1)

At a session with a marriage counselor, the wife snapped at her husband: "That's not true! I do so enjoy sex!"

Then, turning to the counselor, she explained: "But this animal expects it four or five times a year!"




A matter of perspective (2)








THE NEWS

British drivers who smoke now break rules of road: "Many smokers regard their car as the last refuge from the ban that has prevented them from lighting up in public. But now smoking behind the wheel could result in their being prosecuted for driving without due care and attention. Under the new Highway Code, which comes into force today, having a cigarette while driving is a breach of the rules of the road and classed as a "distraction". It means that if a driver crashes his or her car while smoking they could be charged with driving without due care and attention. That could mean a fine of up to 2,500 pounds, three to nine penalty points or even a ban. The move is technically regarded as "best practice" but failing to observe the advice does leave motorists vulnerable to prosecution."


Nasty cough: "When Morrisville police officer Chris Gill handed him a ticket, Kent Kauffman coughed. Next thing Kauffman knew, Gill was charging him with assault on a government official. Gill contends Kauffman intentionally coughed on him three times. According to Gill's report, Kauffman looked into the officer's eyes before "hacking" in his face, Morrisville spokeswoman Stacie Galloway said Wednesday. Kauffman acknowledges that he coughed two or three times from the window of his Dodge minivan Tuesday but said it was toward Gill's waist. "He says I coughed in his face," Kauffman said. "But that would only work if he had a 4-foot-long face." Kauffman said that Gill cuffed him and threw him into the side of the patrol car, and that he ended up on the ground.


Scanner nightmare: "A cancer patient says she was left alone in a CT scanner for hours after a technician apparently forget about her, and she finally crawled out of the device, only to find herself locked in the closed clinic. Elvira Tellez of Tucson said she called her son in a panic, and he told her to call 911. Pima County sheriff's deputies arriving at the oncology office had her unlock the office door to let them in, said Deputy Dawn Hanke, a department spokeswoman. The deputies contacted the office manager, who was not aware of the situation. Tellez was taken to a hospital as a precaution, then released early the next day. Tellez said she's had trouble sleeping since last week's incident. She and her family said they want an explanation from the medical office, Arizona Oncology Associates, but have yet to receive one."


Vanity nearly kills: "A piece of jewelry the size of a safety pin nearly killed a young woman whose tongue piercing left her scared and scarred. Lacey Filosa, 20, said the inch-long metal bar nearly put her six feet underground. "It almost killed me, in fact. It did three times," she said. Filosa recently had her tongue pierced in a shop. Just days later, her tongue swelled up and friends rushed her to the emergency room. The next thing Filosa remembers is waking up a month later with tubes poking out of her body. "I had my family see me hooked up to machines and wires because of this barbell," she said. It turned out an aggressive infection spread from the point of the piercing and ravaged her body. Doctors believe bacteria in her mouth crept into her bloodstream through the hole punched in her tongue, Filosa said."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)



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Saturday, September 29, 2007



Christmas golf

Four old-timers were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed, and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round.

His buddies all chimed in and said, "Let's do it! We'll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet here early Christmas morning."

Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the golf course. The first guy says, "Boy this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such a diamond ring that she can't take her eyes off it."

The second guy says, "I spent a ton, too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures."

The third guy says, "Well, my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual."

They all turned to the last guy in the group who is staring at them like they have lost their minds. "I can't believe you all went to such expense for this golf game. I slapped my wife on the butt and said, 'Well babe, Merry Christmas! It's a great morning for sex or golf,' and she said, 'Take a sweater.'"







THE NEWS

Sad: Buglers Fall Silent in Missouri: "It is taps for the live bugle calls at graveside ceremonies for Missouri veterans. The Missouri National Guard has traditionally played taps at the funerals. But now, the uniformed funeral unit will use an electronic device fitted into a bugle's horn to play taps. A member will activate the device and hold the bugle in standard playing position. With military expenditures going to the (war) front, we have no choice," said Maj. Paul Kirchhoff, director of the Missouri Guard's funeral program".


Fined over invisible condom claim: "A businessman who claimed to have invented a spray that acts as an "invisible condom" faces fines of up to $400,000 for misleading his investors. The corporate regulator yesterday obtained orders in the Federal Court of Australia declaring that Ravi Narain's former employer Citrofresh International had engaged in misleading conduct in contravention of the Corporations Act. The Australian Securities and Investments Commission's proceedings against the organic anti-bacterial product company Citrofresh and Mr Narain arose from two "misleading" statements to the Australian Stock Exchange dated September 27 and 29, 2005. The Court declared Citrofresh had engaged in misleading conduct by falsely stating it could "offer a global solution to reduce and eventually stop the spread" of HIV. ASIC also claims Citrofresh had said "without reasonable grounds that the use of its product as a post-coital application would act as an invisible condom and that this would have a significant impact on reducing the transmission of HIV and sexually transmitted diseases".




Fake gold in the Bank of England?: "It has long been the plaything of kings, the spoil of conquerors and supposedly the safest investment that money can buy. But for the people of Britain, our national nest-egg may not quite be what it appears. Hidden away in vaults under the City of London, Britain's hoard of gold bullion, regarded as the best insurance against any turmoil in global money markets, is beginning to crumble. The deterioration, some experts claim, may suggest that it is not pure gold. The Bank of England, guardian of the 320-tonne stash under Threadneedle Street, admitted yesterday that cracks and fissures had appeared in some of its gold. Questions put to the Bank, made under the Freedom of Information Act, revealed that this deterioration would temporarily reduce the gold's ś4 billion value and make it more difficult to sell"


Crazy Brits again: Investigation of claim for 90 pounds cost taxpayers 500,000 pounds: "A policeman who sued Lancashire Police for racial discrimination after the force spent three years and an estimated 500,000 pounds investigating allegations that he fiddled 90 pounds on his expenses has now settled the claim out of court. Detective Constable Jayson Lobo, 37, of Blackburn, Lancashire, was suspended from his job on full pay for three years in September 2003 before he was cleared in a criminal court and by an internal force investigation. Mr Lobo, who admitted making genuine mistakes in his expenses, was cleared of 12 counts of false accounting and one of attempting to pervert the course of justice when the prosecution offered no evidence at Liverpool Crown Court in 2005. Lancashire Police proceeded with a year-long misconduct inquiry".




(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)



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Friday, September 28, 2007



Dog food

I have 2 dogs & I was buying a large bag of Pal dogfood at the supermarket and standing inline at the check out.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Pal Diet again although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Pal nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned. I told her no; it was because I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.

I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.

Stupid b*tch...why else would I buy dog food??






THE NEWS

Chinese woman gives kiss of death: "A Chinese woman who killed her lover with a rat poison-laced kiss when she suspected him of being unfaithful has been sentenced to death, a newspaper said today. Xia Xinfeng, from Maolou in the central province of Henan, passed a capsule with rat poison from her mouth to her long-time lover, Mao Ansheng, during a kiss, the Shanghai Daily said. Mao swallowed the capsule and died soon afterwards. "The couple had said that if either one of them cheated on the other, he or she would have to die," the paper said in explaining the mouth-to-mouth assault. Xia found Mao had been "talking" with another woman, and deemed that he had broken their promise."


Top cop robbed: "The home of one of Scotland's top police officers has been targeted by thieves. Officers with Lothian and Borders Police are investigating a break-in at the house of their chief constable, David Strang. Thieves broke into the property in Edinburgh's Murrayfield area on Saturday evening. Police said small personal items were taken during the break-in, which took place at about 1930 BST. A purse belonging to Mr Strang's wife was reported to be among the items stolen."


'Hitler's son' banned from teaching in Australia: "A teacher who had claimed to be Adolf Hitler's son has been banned from working in Victorian schools. The man had appealed against a decision to deregister him because of a 2002 conviction for fraud. Judge Marilyn Harbison's decision in the Victorian Civil and Administrative Tribunal yesterday came after Michael O'Hara challenged a 2006 finding by the Victorian Institute of Teaching that he was unfit to teach. Mr O'Hara, who represented himself at the appeal, gave his occupation as an Israeli intelligence agent, and described teaching as his "cover". He came to police attention after offering two pistols for sale. He claimed that one of them was the pistol Adolf Hitler used to kill himself in his Berlin bunker and the other was owned by Hitler's wife, Eva Braun. Mr O'Hara said he owned the pistols because he was Hitler's son. He was convicted of fraud, after making a series of false documents claiming the firearms were authentic. According to yesterday's tribunal decision, he also gave a "colourful and fanciful account" of his life as a secret agent during the hearing, which included assertions that the pistols were bait to flush neo-Nazis "out of their rat holes" on behalf of Israeli intelligence forces. In summing up, Judge Harbison and VCAT member Heather Campbell said without "immediate medical help" Mr O'Hara should never be registered to teach in Victoria."


Strange New Zealand prosecution: "New Zealand police have dropped a charge alleging a man committed bestiality with a pig, and replaced it with alleging he had buggery with the animal. The change in the offence, alleged to have been committed up to half-a-century ago, came as the 67-year-old accused made his latest appearance in Napier District Court. In July the man was charged with 18 sex offences involving animals and children. No reason for the change was given by police prosecutor Sergeant John Ashfield. Ashfield said that other amendments were being made to charges which include claims that as well as having sex with the pig, the man buggerised a cow in the late 1950s, committed an indecent act with a mare, and attempted to make a dog have sex with a young boy."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)



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Thursday, September 27, 2007



Big dog cuddles tiny baby










THE NEWS

The man who mistook pickles for anthrax: "A Malaysian diplomat has apologised to the Iraqi government after he mistook a box of sweet pickles sent to him as a Ramadan gift for anthrax powder, a newspaper reported. The incident has sparked a protest from Baghdad, with its envoy to Malaysia expressing displeasure over the diplomat's "panic-stricken behaviour." "It is such a special sweet, and this year I wanted to show my appreciation to the Malaysian government, the ministry and my friends," the New Straits Times quoted Iraq's charge d'affaires, Hoshiar Dazayi, as saying".


A Brit who didn't like science or motor vehicle regulations: ""A school caretaker who sent seven letter bombs to science labs and offices had turned his bedroom into a bomb factory, a court heard yesterday. A jury at Oxford crown court was told that police who raided Miles Cooper's home in Cambridge at 3am one morning early this year found three further devices 'assembled, packaged and more or less ready to go.' Cooper, 27, of Cherry Hinton, Cambridge, admits sending bombs constructed out of party poppers and nails or broken glass to three forensic science labs, a security company, the headquarters of Capita, the company that administers the London congestion charge, a speed camera company and the DVLA in Swansea."


Men with deep voices tend to have more children than those who speak at a higher pitch: "Their finding is based on a group of hunter-gatherers in Tanzania known as the Hadza, who can be studied without bias because they use no birth control. Males who hit lower notes as they talked had about two more children on average than squeaky speakers. It fits with observations that women find masculine voices more attractive, the team reports in Biology Letters. "There are a lot of reasons why lower pitch and reproductive success could be linked," said Coren Apicella, from the Department of Anthropology in the Faculty of Arts and Sciences at Harvard University, US. Deep tones are suggestive of increased testosterone levels, which could lead females to perceive such men as better hunters and therefore better providers, she told the BBC."


Angry man saws house in half: "A US man angry that he was not going to be sold a house is accused of using a power saw to slice it in half. Rodney Rogers apparently thought an acquaintance was going to build a house im Hillsboro, Ohio, and sell it to him, and he was living in it while it was being completed, Highland County Sheriff Ronald Ward said today. After the acquaintance refused to complete the sale, Rogers used a power saw last week to make a lateral cut through the walls and siding at about chest level, authorities said. He cut all the way around the house, Ward said. Only one thing was keeping the top half of the house in place on the bottom half. "Gravity," Ward said."




(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)



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Wednesday, September 26, 2007



Just business

A doctor, a lawyer, and a manager were discussing the relative merits of having a wife or a mistress. The lawyer says, "For sure a mistress is better. If you have a wife and want a divorce, it causes all sorts of legal problems."

The doctor says, "It's better to have a wife because the sense of security lowers your stress and is good for your health."

The manager says, "You're both wrong. It's best to have both so that when the wife thinks you're with the mistress, and the mistress thinks you're with your wife - you can go to the office and do some work."




How not to take a hint

A fellow got up one Saturday morning with the odd feeling that something about this day was to be different. Something unusual WAS about to happen. He glanced out the window at the thermometer: 33 degrees. He went downstairs - the clock had stopped at 3 o'clock. He picked up the newspaper and read the date: the 3rd of the month. Threes - that was it! He grabbed the paper and flipped it open to the racing section. Sure enough in the 3rd race, there was a horse named Trio! The fellow hurried to the bank, drew out his life savings and bet it all on the horse to win.

The son of a b*tch finished 3rd.






THE NEWS



Feisty Polish ladies: "Seven naked women on billboards across Poland are stirring passions in the country's already overheated election campaign. The poster is an attempt by the newly founded Women's Party to alert female voters to what it believes is the real political problem in Poland: male chauvinism. Polish politics, says the party's founder, the novelist Manuela Gretkowska, is run by men in suits on behalf of other men in suits. The party has taken up the cudgels against right-wing religious parties - such as the League of Polish Families, which wants to tighten the already restrictive abortion laws - and the male-dominated political spectrum. They argue that the status of women in Poland has deteriorated, especially undert the nationalist Government of Jaroslaw Kaczynski. It wants free contraception, an increase in the number of gynacologists, a right to pain-free birth, expanded child care, equal pay and pension rights."


State wants to prevent falls by elderly (and make water flow uphill): ""Falls, the leading cause of injury among seniors nationwide, are making policy setters edgy. Worried about the life-changing effects of a senior citizen's sudden collapse, federal, state, and local governments and health-care agencies across the nation are campaigning to prevent falls that tax the medical system and often force independent seniors into nursing homes. Hospitalization for falls costs about $270 million a year in Arizona, not including the cost of doctors, rehabilitation or long-term disability. More troubling is that Arizona ranks sixth in the nation per capita for fatal falls among the elderly. Scottsdale has the nation's highest rate of senior deaths from falling. The Arizona Department of Health Services has set a goal of cutting the number of falls in the state in half for all ages by 2010. "The goal is to prevent falls," DHS Director Susan Gerard said. "Instead of building more emergency rooms and hiring more doctors and nurses, we can start looking at unintentional injuries, including falls, and find ways to prevent them." Gerard said there is no easy explanation for why Arizona has such a high rate of fatal falls."


Biker's penis hit by lightning: "A Croatian motorbike rider was knocked unconscious when lightning struck his penis during a roadside toilet break. Metro.co.uk reported Ante Djindjic, 29, escaped relatively unscathed from the incident, suffering only light burns to his chest and arms. He said: "I don't remember what happened. One minute I was taking a leak and the next thing I knew I was in hospital. "Doctors said the lightning went through my body and because I was wearing rubber boots it earthed itself through my penis." "Thankfully, the doctors said that there would be no lasting effects, and my penis will function normally eventually." That's just as long as lightning doesn't stike in the same place twice."


Thief rips off woman's underpants in public: "Detectives are baffled by a brazen daylight attack at Newmarket, in Brisbane's inner north on Monday, in which a woman had her underpants ripped off and bag stolen. "It's pretty strange. I haven't heard anything like it before," Det-Sen-Sgt Brad Rix said. He said the 23-year-old was grabbed from behind as she walked home from Newmarket train station about 4.30pm (AEST). The offender then lifted her dress up, and pulled off her underpants before grabbing her bag and taking off. "It was absolute daylight, not far from a train station. This person must have felt sure he was going to get away with it," Det-Sen-Sgt Rix said. He said there was no attempt to sexually assault the woman, who did not realise her bag had been stolen until some time later."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)



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Tuesday, September 25, 2007



Refrigerator Man

A woman goes to a psychiatrist and says, ''Doctor, you've got to do something about my husband -- he thinks he's a refrigerator!''

''I wouldn't worry too much about it,'' the doctor replies. "Lots of people have harmless delusions. It will pass.''

''But you don't understand,'' the woman insists. ''He sleeps with his mouth open, and the little light keeps me awake.''






THE NEWS

'Swastika handbag' withdrawn from sale: "Spanish fashion chain Zara has withdrawn a handbag from its stores after a customer in Britain complained swastikas were embroidered on it. Zara, owned by the world's second largest fashion retailer Inditex , said it did not know the $78 handbag had green swastikas on its corners. The bags were made by a supplier in India and inspired by commonly used Hindu symbols, which include the swastika. The original design approved by Zara did not have swastikas on it, Inditex said. "After the return of one bag we decided to withdraw the whole range," said a spokesman for Inditex, which has more than 3330 stores in 66 countries. Zara pulled the bags after 19-year-old Rachel Hatton told Britain's Daily Mail she asked for a refund when she spotted swastikas on her bag." [The Indian Swastika is actually the reverse of the German one so there was no Nazi allusion]


Speedy fool: "The fastest driver ever convicted of speeding in Britain was jailed for 10 weeks after he was clocked at 277km/h in his company's Porsche. Tim Brady, 33, was caught on January 27 driving the $229,185 Porsche 911 Turbo which he took without permission from his employer, luxury car rental firm HelpHire. The previous record - 251 km/h - was set by car dealer Jason McAllister in 2003. Brady had nagged his boss take the Porsche out the day before but was repeatedly told no, the court heard. He returned the next day and took the car anyway. Judge David Morton called the act "criminally self-indulgent." "(You were) utterly thoughtless of the danger you might be creating for the innocent," he told Brady."




Posh's breast job a boob: "A leading plastic surgeon has calculated the formula for perfect breasts - and Victoria Beckham's expensive assets have been given the thumbs down. Patrick Mallucci, who will present his findings in London this week at the first international conference on breast enlargements, said the best breasts - large or small - had the right ratios. A model mammary has a nipple that points slightly skywards, and an upper half just a bit smaller than the bottom half, Mallucci told the Daily Mail. He spent many hours poring over photos of topless models in lads magazines and tabloid newspapers to formulate his theory, and then rated Wonderbra model Caprice Bourret's breast the best - and Posh Spice's the worst. "I studied a wide variety of photographs of the most popular topless models to work out the various proportions they had in common and what made those particular features attractive," he said... Mallucci said patients frequently begged him not to make their breasts the same shape as Victoria Beckham's "unnaturally round" globes."


No queers in Iran? (They're ALL queer): "Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad skirted a question about the treatment of homosexuals in Iran today, saying in a speech at a top US university that there were no gays in Iran. "In Iran we don't have homosexuals like in your country," Ahmadinejad said to howls and boos among the Columbia University audience in New York. "In Iran we do not have this phenomenon. I don't know who has told you that we have it," he said. Ahmadinejad was challenged during his appearance on Amnesty International figures that suggested that 200 people had been executed in Iran so far this year, among them homosexuals. "Don't you have capital punishment in the United States? You do too. In Iran there is capital punishment," he said."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)



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Monday, September 24, 2007



Thousands of hyphens perish as English marches on

Bumble-bee is now bumblebee, ice-cream is ice cream and pot-belly is pot belly. And if you've got a problem, don't be such a crybaby (formerly cry-baby).

The hyphen has been squeezed as informal ways of communicating, honed in text messages and emails, spread on Web sites and seep into newspapers and books. "People are not confident about using hyphens anymore, they're not really sure what they are for," said Angus Stevenson, editor of the Shorter OED, the sixth edition of which was published this week.

Another factor in the hyphen's demise is designers' distaste for its ungainly horizontal bulk between words. "Printed writing is very much design-led these days in adverts and Web sites, and people feel that hyphens mess up the look of a nice bit of typography," he said. "The hyphen is seen as messy looking and old-fashioned."

Original here





THE NEWS

Oldster gets big bill: "The first Anita Giabra knew of her frighteningly large gas bill was when she opened a letter from debt collectors demanding immediate payment of more than $60,000. Stamped with "final demand", the sternly worded letter from debt recovery agency Impact Financial Services demanded a total of $60,375 owed to gas company AGL. But it turned out the massive bill was the result of a typographical error. AGL rang Mrs Giabra when it realised its error and issued an apology. The pensioner said the shock of the letter nearly killed her. "They should double-check these things before they send them out," she said. "I didn't pay it because I knew it couldn't be right, but what about all the people out there who wouldn't question it?" The problem began when Mrs Giabra moved out of her Marrickville unit in September last year, settling her outstanding gas bill of $74.20 in November. In May 2007 the letter demanding the $60,000-plus turned up. Mrs Giabra had forgotten to disconnect the gas from the unit, resulting in a debit of $60.75, which turned into the $60,375 figure when the letter of demand was written. "It was an error on our part which we immediately rectified and apologised for," an AGL spokesman said."


Russia's rich face impending caviar crisis: "Russia's elite may have to take black caviar off the menu to let sturgeon stocks recover, Deputy Prime Minister Sergei Ivanov said today. Ivanov, 54, said black and red caviar, and crab meat were not essentials part of an everyday diet and he could do without his caviar "ration" for five to seven years. "We would repair our national wealth in this time after we so rapaciously annihilated it," Mr Ivanov said. Most of the world's sturgeon spawn in the rivers that flow into the Caspian Sea. Their unfertilised eggs - caviar - are sold by Azerbaijan, Iran, Kazakhstan, Turkmenistan and Russia. Overfishing, poaching, pollution and poor management have cut sturgeon stocks in the Caspian. Experts say beluga is on the verge of extinction after fish numbers fell by 90 per cent over the past 20 years".


Sexist monkeys strike in South Africa : "Male, sexist and drunk, the unruly group were every restaurant owner's nightmare. "I tried to get rid of them, but they were having a party, eating all my bread, bananas and avocados and swigging bottles of wine they had taken out of the refrigerator," said Carol White, who runs the Camel Rock restaurant in the quiet village of Scarborough near Cape Point, South Africa, at the very tip of the continent. "They ignore women completely and only cleared off when one of my male staff came," she added. Mrs White was not talking about a mob of South African rugby supporters, notorious even in their homeland for their boorish manners, but a group of endangered Chacma baboons. Troops of the animals, led by burly alpha males, have been terrorising the small community on the Atlantic side of the Cape Point nature reserve - one of the most picturesque and usually tranquil areas in South Africa. Stripped of their natural fear of humans by tourists who give them bananas and other food in defiance of local regulations, the baboons have formed themselves into raiding parties and frequently descend on the village."


Britain to polish up its geeks: "Computer geeks beware: your days are over. A "charm academy" is being created for IT students in response to employer complaints that too many lack basic social and business skills. Backers of the initiative say that it is no longer acceptable for universities to churn out students with great software skills but no social ability. What companies need now, they say, are technicians who can talk directly to clients and realise that IT operating systems contribute to the bottom line of the business. The socially backward computer nerds made fun of in the Channel 4 comedy The IT Crowd are the kind of workers who managers believe can stunt business growth. Margaret Sambell, of e-skills, a government-funded skills organisation for the IT sector, said that, unless British universities adapted, businesses would turn to China and India for recruitment."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)



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Sunday, September 23, 2007



Genesis

Adam was walking around the garden of Eden, moping. God asked him, "What is wrong with you?" Adam replied that he was lonely and didn't have anyone to talk to.

God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman. He said, "This person will gather food for you, cook for you, and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you. She will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it.

Adam asked God, "What will this woman cost?"

God replied, "An arm and a leg."

Adam thought a moment and asked, "What can I get for a rib?"






THE NEWS

Unlucky Detroit barber: "A barber who shares a name and birthday with a convict has filed a $1 million lawsuit claiming he was wrongly arrested three times in 17 years because of mistaken identity. "Every day of my life, it's as though I could be locked up at any moment at any time," Keith Lamont Johnson said. "I keep talking and keep talking and no one listens and I end up in jail." The 47-year-old Detroit resident's federal lawsuit, filed on Wednesday, named the Michigan cities of Detroit, Woodhaven and Trenton and the counties of Wayne and Macomb as defendants, along with several officials in each community. In February, Detroit police conducted a fingerprint comparison of the two Keith Johnsons and concluded they were not the same man. The barber said that he now carried a letter showing the results every day. Mr Johnson said that he had not met his namesake, who, according to the state corrections department website, began serving a state prison sentence for forgery in March and is not expected to be released before November 2009".


Pit bulls break into house, kill family cat: "A rural Meadows family is mourning the loss of a family pet that was killed after two pit bulls broke into the family's home. Linda Gaddy said Tuesday she feels lucky that her three daughters were not injured by the dogs. The girls, ages 9, 13 and 14, were waiting for a school bus shortly before 7 a.m. Monday when they saw the two pit bulls running loose. The children went back into their home, picked up leashes for the dogs and tried to take them to neighbors whom they believed may have owned the dogs. When the neighbors said the dogs were not theirs, Gaddy said she took the dogs off the leashes and tried to shoo them off her property. "The dogs saw some cats running and ran around to the back of the house. They pushed open my door and got in the laundry room (on the house's back porch)," said Gaddy. One of the family's cats was in the room and could not escape the dogs. "It was the oldest cat we had, and it couldn't defend itself. It just sat there while the dogs mauled it to death," said Gaddy. Chenoa Police Chief Ted Lyons said the dogs' owners, who live about two miles from Gaddy, have been identified. He did not know if charges would be filed in the incident, which remains under investigation."


Rapist undergoes castration to avoid life sentence: "A confessed US rapist was sentenced to 25 years in prison, days after he voluntarily underwent castration as part of a plea deal to avoid a life sentence. Florida Circuit Judge Michael Overstreet today sentenced Bobby James Allen, 35, to 25 years in prison followed by 10 years' probation. Allen pleaded guilty this month to three counts of armed sexual battery and other charges involving attacks in 1998 and 1999. He requested castration in exchange for a reduced sentence. The surgical procedure cost about $US2,000 and the court system paid for it, public defender Doug White told The News Herald of Panama City. Overstreet warned Allen to expect hormonal changes that could lead to the breast development, osteoporosis and hot flashes. Castration results in sterility, a decline in sexual interest and erection problems".


Chinese bank manager to be executed for taking bribes: "A former bank manager has been sentenced to death for taking payoffs that led to losses of 700 million yuan ($108 million) by a Chinese court. Huang Jinjiang accepted 7 million yuan in bribes between 1993 and 1997 from a local firm seeking to borrow money, the official Xinhua news agency reported. At the time, Huang headed a branch of the Agricultural Bank of China in the southwestern province of Sichuan. After accepting the bribes, he signed off on bank drafts in the company's favour that resulted in losses of 700 million yuan, Xinhua said. The report said three of Huang's colleagues would be tried separately for taking bribes worth 3.12 million yuan."




(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)



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Saturday, September 22, 2007



The voodoo organ

A businessman was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort with an extremely healthy sex drive, so he thought he'd buy her a little something to keep her occupied while he was gone. He went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation.

The old man said, "Well, We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except---" and he stopped.

"Except what?" the man asked. "Nothing, nothing." "C'mon, tell me! I need something!"

"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is The Voodoo Penis."

"So what's up with this Voodoo Penis?" he asked.

The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out a very old wooden box, carved with strange symbols and erotic images. He opened it, and there lay an ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and said "Big damn deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!"

The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet." He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo Penis, the door."

The Voodoo Penis miraculously rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started pounding the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with the vibrations, so much so that a crack began to form down the middle. Before the door split, the old man said "Voodoo Penis, return to box!"

The Voodoo Penis stopped, levitated back to the box and lay there quiet once more.

"I'll take it!" said the businessman. The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo Penis, my crotch."

After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny and remembered the Voodoo Penis. She undressed, opened the box and said "Voodoo Penis, my crotch!" The Voodoo Penis shot to her crotch and started pumping.

It was absolutely incredible, like nothing she'd ever experienced before. After three mind-shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she'd had enough. She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgotten to tell her how to shut it off.

Worried, she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another incredibly intense orgasm made her swerve all over the road. A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.

Gasping and twitching, she explained, "I haven't had anything to drink, officer. You see, I've got this Voodoo Penis thing stuck in my crotch and it won't stop screwing me!"

The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and in an arrogant voice replied, "Yeah, right... Voodoo Penis, my ass."

The rest is history.







THE NEWS

Limit marriages to seven years, says conservative (!) German politician: "Marriages should last for only seven years before the couple decide to go their separate ways or sign up for an extension, a German MP has proposed. The time limit would lead to fewer divorces, according to Gabriele Pauli, a candidate for the leadership of Bavaria's dominant conservative party CSU. The "seven-year hitch" plan drew sharp criticism from party colleagues in Pope Benedict XVI's home region. German MP Gabriele Pauli said seven-year marriage contracts would slash divorce rates. "My proposal is for marriages to run out after seven years," Ms Pauli, a twice-divorced 50-year-old who leads the local administration in the town of Fuerth, said as she presented her leadership program in Munich. "That means that, in future, people would in future enter marriages only on a time-limited basis, and would then actively say 'yes' to an extension."


Stupid teenager: "A teenage college student was arrested at Boston's Logan International Airport after she walked into the building wearing a device police thought was a bomb. 19-year-old Star Simpson was wearing a circuit board measuring about 5cm by 15cm with protruding wires, lights and a nine-volt battery when she was arrested today. The device was an art project, she told police. "It was an innocuous device," said Major Scott Pare of the Massachusetts State Police. Authorities said she would be charged with possession of a hoax device and disorderly conduct. The hoax device charge carries a penalty of up to five years in prison. Major Pare said police officers confronted her with automatic weapons. "Thankfully she complied and so she ended up in a cell and not in a morgue," he said. "Had she not complied, deadly force might have been used."


Bank lover: "Federal authorities say an Indiana man robbed a Chicago bank just hours after he was released from jail for a bank robbery conviction. FBI spokesman Ross Rice says 39-year-old Kenneth Cunningham was arrested Wednesday in Portage, Indiana. Cunningham had been sentenced to 87 months in prison for a 1995 robbery at a Chicago bank. He was released from prison on February 15th. Authorities allege Cunningham held up a Chase Bank on Chicago's North Side hours later. He was still wearing clothes issued to him from Chicago's Metropolitan Correctional Center. Cunningham is accused of stealing $6,000."


Des Moines police investigate attack by onion: "A Des Moines man went to jail Wednesday afternoon for allegedly throwing an onion at his wife. The police report begins: "(The victim) states her husband had been drinking and they got into an argument." James Izzolena, 54, of 3515 Sheridan Ave., was charged with domestic assault causing injury. Police said he became upset with his wife, Nicole Izzolena, 27, and tossed an onion at her, striking her in the back of the head. She told police it made her head hurt. James Izzolena admitted throwing the onion, police said, but he claimed he did not intend to hit her with it. He was being held without bond pending a court appearance today."




(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)



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Friday, September 21, 2007



Kiddy religion







THE NEWS

Russian farmers start milking the moose: "FARMERS have taken to milking the humble moose after centuries of trying to domesticate the horned quadruped - and the key is to smell like one of the beasts. Milking the moose, while sounding like a euphemism, is actually become a small industry in Russia, where it is being drunk in sanatoriums, according to the BBC. And it takes more than to just think like a moose, with farmers covering themselves with a scent that smells like a calf in order to attract the females. While it is being milked by hand, the moose believes that a calf is sucking from its teats due to the smell of the milker. Scientists in Russia have been researching the benefits for the milk for decades, with one report, published in medical journal Voprosy Pitaniia, claiming that "it is advisable that moose's milk be used in combined therapy and for prevention of gastroenterological diseases in children".


AZ: Phoenix moves to ban texting by motorists: "Phoenix is poised to become the first city in Arizona and among the first in the nation to ban text-messaging while driving. A proposed ordinance that would levy fines of up to $460 drew praise from city officials as a practical way to make streets safer. But some criticized the idea for singling out only one unsafe behavior. A City Council subcommittee on Tuesday recommended the new rule to the full council, which appeared ready to pass it. The ordinance would ban drivers from reading or sending text messages on their cellphones while their vehicles are in motion."


'Bored' man charged over naked hold-up: "A 24-YEAR-OLD man arrested in the US state of Pennsylvania for holding up a convenience store wearing nothing but a hat has told police he did it because he was bored, according to local reports. Police were questioning Carl Wagner over a separate incident of indecent exposure when they recognised him from a surveillance video in which he can be seen entering the store naked but apparently covering his manhood with a hand. "We actually had an incident where the gentleman lives where he was exposing himself to two females. He was initially brought in on that accusation," Carbondale police sergeant Thomas Heller told local television channel WNEP. "We put two and two together, it was definitely him," he said. Police said that Wagner had admitted carrying out the stick up and had been charged with robbery, open lewdness and indecent exposure."




Red lights dim in some of Amsterdam's brothels: "About a third of Amsterdam's red-lit windows for prostitutes will disappear from the city centre as one of the main brothel owners is set to sell his empire to a real estate company. A housing company is to buy 18 premises, currently featuring 51 windows, for about _25 million ($A40 million), Amsterdam city council said. Last November, the city revoked the trading licences of 33 brothels because they were suspected of criminal activities including money laundering and drug dealing. However, the brothel owners appealed successfully against the decision. Tourist authorities acknowledge the 700-year-old red-light district - a maze of narrow alleys and canals lined with sex shops, prostitutes behind windows and marijuana-selling "coffee shops" - is as much of a draw as other attractions such as the Van Gogh museum or the Anne Frank House."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)



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Thursday, September 20, 2007



Oh Dear!

A man and his wife were spending the day at the zoo. She was wearing a loose fitting, pink dress, sleeveless with straps.

He was wearing his usual jeans and T-shirt.

As they walked through the ape exhibit, they passed in front of a large, silverback gorilla. Noticing the wife, the gorilla went crazy.

He jumped on the bars, and holding on with one hand and 2 feet he grunted and pounded his chest with his free hand.

He was obviously excited at the pretty lady in the pink Dress.

The husband, noticing the excitement, thought this was funny.

He suggested that his wife tease the poor fellow some more by puckering her lips and wiggling her bottom. She played along and the gorilla got even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggested that she let one of her straps fall to show a little more skin.

She did... And the gorilla was about to tear the bars down. "Now... Show your thighs and sort of fan your dress at him," he said.
This drove the gorilla absolutely crazy, and he started doing flips.

Then the husband grabbed his wife, ripped open the door to the cage, flung her in with the gorilla and slammed the cage door shut. "Now. Tell HIM you have a headache."






THE NEWS

'Wild sex in back caused me to crash': "A 22-year-old carnival worker in Idaho blames two friends having sex in the back seat of his car for an accident in which the car struck a telephone pole. Joshua Frank pleaded guilty today to a misdemeanour charge of failing to notify a police officer of a traffic accident. He left the vehicle at the site of the crash. He was fined $US188 ($A221), the Lewiston Tribune reported. According to a probable cause affidavit, Frank told police the actions in the backseat caused the car, which "was top heavy anyway," to become "tippy" and lose control. Frank had a minor head wound. The two in the backseat were treated for injuries, though further information on their condition was not available."


Utah: Bloodied 70-year-old woman cuffed for having a brown lawn: " A 70-year-old woman arrested in a dispute over her brown lawn pleaded not guilty Tuesday, then stood by as a Los Angeles lawyer waved handcuffs for the cameras outside court. etty Perry is charged with resisting arrest and failing to maintain her landscaping, both misdemeanors. She was arrested July 6 after failing to give her name to a police officer who visited her home. During a struggle, Perry fell and injured her nose. She spent more than an hour in a holding cell before police released her. "I ask the citizens of Orem: How many of you would like to have your great-grandmother taken from her home with bruises and blood and placed in handcuffs for failing to water her lawn?" attorney Gloria Allred said. "Let's bring sanity back to law enforcement," she said. The mayor and City Council apologized, and the police department said the situation could have been handled differently. But the city attorney still is pressing charges, and Perry is due back in court next month."


Wikipedia no longer wiki: "It might be visited by 7 per cent of internet users every day, and have helped to win many a pub quiz, but Wikipedia is still hampered by its inability to guarantee that information appearing on the website is true. To rectify this the online encyclopaedia is to tackle its reliability problem with a package designed to improve its trustworthiness and reliability. The German-language version is to pioneer the first and potentially most controversial change, by which ordinary readers will lose their ability to alter any entry and see their changes appear instantly on the screen, New Scientist reports today.... While the "wiki" format, which takes its name from the Hawaiian word for "quick", means it can draw on a vast pool of expertise from individuals all over the world, it is also vulnerable to deliberate abuse.... as the number of trusted editors is expected to reach about 2,000, there is likely to be a long wait before many bona fide changes are incorporated." [Will they change the name to "Waitipedia"?]


Hitler wine seized: "A prosecutor in Bolzano, northern Italy has seized wine bottle labels bearing a portrait of Hitler and other Nazis from a winery near the Austrian border. The 20 labels from the "Der Fuehrer" line show Hitler raising the Nazi salute and his generals, including Hermann Goering, the Reich's economic minister, Heinrich Himmler, the head of the Gestapo, and Rudolf Hess, Hitler's deputy. The black and white labels are imprinted with the mottoes "Ein volk, ein Reich, ein Fuehrer'' (one people, one empire, one Fuehrer) and ``Sieg heil'', a slogan proclaimed by Hitler as a greeting or in front of the masses. The incriminating labels constitute a glorification of the perpetrators of crimes against humanity, according to state prosecutor Cuno Tarfusser. The Lunardelli company said it had sold around 20,000 bottles featuring the Hitler labels per year. It also sold wine with images of Mussolini on the label, which were not seized by police. The bottles make up part of a product line started in 1995 called the "historic collection'', selling wine with labels with the faces of Winston Churchill, Antonio Gramsci, an Italian Marxist philosopher, Adolph Hitler, Karl Marx, Napoleon Bonaparte, Benito Mussolini, and Che Guevara."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)



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Wednesday, September 19, 2007



Redneck Engineering Exam

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.

2. Which of the following cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard? a) '66 Ford Fairlane b) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle c) '64 Pontiac GTO

3. If your uncle builds a still that operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine per hour, how many car radiators are necessary to condense the product?

4. A pulpwood cutter has chain saw that operates at 2700 rpm. The density of the pine trees in a plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The lot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweiser Tall-Boys will it take to cut the trees?

5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the decrease in the ozone layer?

6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1 inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?

7. A man owns a house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has 5 children. Can each of the children place a mobile home on the man's land?

8. A 2-ton pulpwood truck is overloaded and proceeding down a steep grade on a secondary road at 45 mph. The brakes fail. Given the average traffic loading of secondary roads, how many people will swerve to avoid the truck before it crashes at the bottom of the mountain? For extra credit, how many of the vehicles that swerved will have mufflers and uncracked windshields?

9. A Coal Mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift?

10. How many generations will it take before cattle develop two legs shorter than the others because of grazing along a mountainside?





THE NEWS

Villager with grudge blows up his guests : "A Chinese villager invited 30 guests to dinner at a restaurant and blew them up, killing at least nine people. Another 25 were injured in the blast in a township in the central Hunan province. State press reported that the invited guests had been in dispute with the villager over a family matter and believed that he wanted to apologise. As they were eating, the man, who was not identified, set off the explosives. It was unclear if he survived, and how many of the other victims had been there at his invitation"


Online couple cheat with each other: "A married couple who didn't realise they were chatting each other up on the internet are divorcing. Sana Klaric and husband Adnan, who used the names "Sweetie" and "Prince of Joy" in an online chatroom, spent hours telling each other about their marriage troubles, Metro.co.uk reported. The truth emerged when the two turned up for a date. Now the pair, from Zenica in central Bosnia, are divorcing after accusing each other of being unfaithful. "I was suddenly in love. It was amazing. We seemed to be stuck in the same kind of miserable marriage. How right that turned out to be," Sana, 27, said. Adnan, 32, said: "I still find it hard to believe that Sweetie, who wrote such wonderful things, is actually the same woman I married and who has not said a nice word to me for years".


Accent disaster in Britain: "A 10-year-old boy has woken up with a posh English accent after undergoing life-saving brain surgery. William McCartney-Moore's usual northern England accent was replaced with a much more refined tones complete with elongated vowels after he had an operation to remove fluid on his brain. William, who is from York, needed the surgery after falling ill with a rare strain of meningitis last March. "He survived the operation and the most amazing thing is that he came out of surgery with a completely different accent,'' his mother Ruth McCartney-Moore told the York Press newspaper. "He went in with a York accent and he came out all posh. "He no longer had short 'a' and 'u' vowel sounds. They were all long.'' Mrs McCartney-Moore said doctors initially thought her son was going to die. He lost everything, she said, including his ability to read, write and recognise different objects. But William began to recover after the operation and was out of hospital in about a month. "We went on a family holiday to Northumberland and he was playing on the beach and he said, 'Look, I've made a sand castle' but really stretched the vowels, which made him sound really posh,'' Mrs McCartney-Moore said. "We all just stared back at him - we couldn't believe what we had heard, because he had a Yorkshire accent before his illness."


Nasty meteorite: "Villagers in southern Peru have been struck by a mysterious illness after a meteorite made a fiery crash to Earth in their area. Around midday Saturday, villagers were startled by an explosion and a fireball that many were convinced was a plane crashing near their remote village, in the high Andes department of Puno in the Desaguadero region, near the border with Bolivia. Residents complained of headaches and vomiting brought on by a "strange odour," local health department official Jorge Lopez told Peruvian radio RPP. Seven policemen who went to check on the reports also became ill and had to be given oxygen before being taken to hospital, Mr Lopez said. Rescue teams and experts were dispatched to the scene where the meteorite had left a crater 30m wide and 6m deep, said local official Marco Limache. "Boiling water started coming out of the crater and particles of rock and cinders were found nearby. Residents are very concerned," he said."




(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)



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Tuesday, September 18, 2007



Can't win







THE NEWS

Sweating over what women find sexy: "Whether a man's sweaty armpits make women swoon or spew could depend on their genes. A key ingredient of male body odour, androstenone, smells like stale urine to many people, research has revealed. To others, it has a sweet, floral scent, like vanilla, while many people cannot detect it at all. This extreme range of reactions is determined by tiny variations in a single gene, scientists have found. The leader of the American research team, Leslie Vosshall, of Rockefeller University, said women also produce androstenone, but it is present in higher amounts in the sweat and urine of men. The scent of androstenone allows animals to communicate sexually and assert dominance over others in their social hierarchy, and the same thing could be occurring in humans, Professor Vosshall said."


Elderly 'addicted' to Nintendo Wii at care home: "The bridge games have been abandoned and the crosswords put to one side. Instead, the elderly residents of one retirement home in a Birmingham suburb have opted for a slightly more advanced means of entertainment. Pensioners aged 80 and above at the Sunrise Senior Living Centre in Edgbaston are now hooked to the Nintendo Wii, the latest hi-tech video games console. Taking it in turns with the hand-held controls, the pensioners go head to head against one another in the various games. The console, which costs about o200, reacts to body motion. The games require each player to carry out appropriate actions depending on what they want their character to do. For example Wii Tennis, one of the most popular games, requires players to swing their controls as if they were holding a racquet. The golf game works in a similar way. The craze at the home all started three weeks ago when one of the chefs brought in a console belonging to his son and lent it to staff for the weekend. Residents, who are aged between 80 and 103, were so enthralled by the games that they demanded that staff purchase one immediately.

Secret drawer jackpot: "An antiques dealer who found a collection of sketches and personal mementoes hidden in a chest of drawers by one of Wales' best-loved artists has been banned from selling them. John Williams bought the mahogany George III chest for 280 pounds at auction in Bath at a sale of the effects of Sir Kyffin Williams, no relation, who died last year at the age of 88. Among other items, a sketch of a daffodil and souvenirs of the artist's war service were hidden in a secret drawer. They were due to be resold at auction next weekend with an estimate of 2,000 pounds but Mr Williams has withdrawn them after the National Library of Wales took out an injunction preventing their sale. The library claims that it is the rightful owner of the cache as Sir Kyffin, who left an estate of 6 million, had bequeathed his papers and artworks to its collection. The library says that Mr Williams bought the chest but not the drawings. Mr Williams, 47, who runs Wild Wales Antiques, in Cowbridge, near Cardiff, is refusing to hand over the drawings. He says that he realised the chest had a secret drawer before he bought it but did not open it and was "surprised and delighted" to discover the hidden art inside."




Smashed piano replaced by gift: "A small music festival whose piano was dropped by removals men has been offered an 85,000 pounds replacement. The piano makers Bosendorf took pity on the Two Moors Festival in Devon after seeing images of their concert grand smashing to the ground."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)



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Monday, September 17, 2007



Our use of meaningless words may be unsustainable

There are too many weasel words sucking the life out of the English language. Weasel words, popular with marketing experts and politicians, are waster words that are a form of sentence stuffing. They add nothing to enriching our vocabulary and create ambiguity, allowing you to say things without offending or exposing you to possible contradiction. They weaken the truth.

They were forged in the crucible of 19th-century American politics. They suck the life out of words next to them just as a weasel sucks an egg dry, leaving its shell intact. The phrase was later popularised in 1916 by Teddy Roosevelt criticising President Wilson's term for conscription, "universal voluntary training".

Examples include "some people say", which raises three questions: which people, where, and how many? Or "XYZ toothpaste combats oral bacteria". Militarily speaking, combat is not winning so if the bacteria fight back your majestic munchers are in no better condition.

Now there is a new, subtle derivative: nihilist words with more meanings than the facets of a cut diamond. These words can mean anything to anybody or nothing to everybody. I call these watery words. Like Shakespeare's Cassius, they have a hungry look and are dangerous.

Sustainability is such a word. It was popularised in 1968 when 12 million copies of the Club of Rome's The Limits to Growth showed that exponential growth was unsustainable. Today, sustainability can mean environmental sustainability, but what does this actually mean? It allows car manufacturers to claim they have reduced toxic gases by 1 per cent. Yawn. If you are a town planner, it means the ecological footprint of a development is low using certain criteria. However, if the block was formerly open space, it surely means the reverse.

Now it has morphed to mean economic sustainability. This phrase must, surely, be confused with economic viability. After all, no economy wants to produce less income than is invested. Paradoxically, sustainability may be unsustainable itself. It may be a piece of traitor text, corporatised and spun for profit, especially if it reduces our ability to solve problems today that will cost us dearly in the future. Ultimately, sustainable endeavours are really just a form of thrift. My grandma was right: thrift comes too late for those with empty purses.
No wonder we were more sustainable in the 19th century than we are in the 21st .

Original here






THE NEWS

Famous British big cheese: "It must rank as one of the weirdest spectator sports, having attracted a global audience of more than 1.5 million in less than a year, and it involves, literally, nothing happening. People across the globe have been logging on to a website in huge numbers to watch a 44lb handmade cheddar cheese from Shepton Mallet slowly mature. Addicted surfers have, over the last nine months, been able to admire the Somerset-based cheese, named Wedginald by its creators. So far, 1,525,548 are registered as having logged on. Along with a huge picture of the prized cheese, the website's only other noticeable feature is a chronicle of how long it has been maturing: in days, hours, minutes and seconds. By yesterday, the number of days had reached 268. Wedginald also appears on MySpace, Facebook and YouTube sites. Another huge influx of interest is expected this week when, for the first time since the project got under way, something actually happens. Viewers will be able to see Wedginald undergo a nine-month grading test. At the end of the year the matured cheese, valued at around 400 pounds, will be auctioned for charity."


Instant justice: "A Gold Coast teenager was struck in the face by a boat propellor when he fell out of a dinghy while baring his buttocks at people on the shore. The 17-year-old boy from Kanimbla was one of three males travelling in a dinghy along a canal off Huon Street at Broadbeach Waters on the Gold Coast about 4pm (AEST) yesterday. It is believed all three males stood up to bare their buttocks at a group of people at a waterfront residence, causing the vessel to become unstable, and all three fell overboard, police said. The engine on the dinghy continued to run, and the teenager was struck in the face by the propeller as the empty vessel circled. He was taken to Gold Coast Hospital with serious facial injuries"


Pot-smoking cows could stop BSE, maybe: "A New Zealand pro-cannabis groups says it has scientific evidence that cannabis can stop the development of mad cow disease. It was not clear whether the findings applied to both cows and humans. The National Organisation for the Reform of Marijuana Laws (Norml) said a French study showed cannabidiol might be effective in preventing bovine spongiform encephalopathy (BSE), known as mad cow disease, the New Zealand Press Association reported tpday. Scientists at the National Centre for Scientific Research in France found cannabidiol - a non-psychoactive ingredient - may prevent the development of prion diseases (progressive neurodegenerative disorders), the most well known of which is BSE, Norml said. Researchers found cannabidiol inhibited the accumulation of prion proteins in infected mice and sheep."


Man hit with fine for going to work while sick: "A sick Canadian bakery worker has been fined $1,154 for ignoring an order to stay at home until he recovered from symptoms of salmonella poisoning, medical officials said last week. Health inspectors in Edmonton, Alberta, had told Adam Duerr to stay at home until tests showed he had recovered. But Duerr, 20, failed to have himself tested and went back to work. He appeared in court last Wednesday. In addition, the bakery was fined $1,731 and the owner $1,154. Gerry Predy, the medical officer at the local health authority, said the case was highly unusual. "We almost never have people who disobey the order to stay off work," he told Reuters."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)



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Sunday, September 16, 2007



More Canadian signboards

(Allegedly)








THE NEWS

'Dead' man wakes in autopsy: "A VENEZUELAN man who had been declared dead woke up in the morgue in excruciating pain after medical examiners began their autopsy. Carlos Camejo, 33, was declared dead after a highway accident and taken to the morgue, where examiners began an autopsy only to realise something was amiss when he started bleeding. They quickly sought to stitch up the incision on his face. "I woke up because the pain was unbearable," Mr Camejo told newspaper El Universal. His grieving wife turned up at the morgue to identify her husband's body only to find him moved into a corridor - and alive. Mr Camejo showed the El Universal his facial scar and a document ordering the autopsy."




Weak puns get magazine into trouble: "Golfing pin-up Nikki Garrett is suing Zoo Weekly, claiming the lads' mag made her out to be a prostitute. The 23-year-old professional golfer instructed her lawyers to take Federal Court action after the magazine published a picture of a scantily clad Garrett originally taken for the Women of Professional Golf calendar to raise money for charity. The picture appeared in the magazine's January 29 edition under the headline: "Who's that TV babe?" and was accompanied by a caption that read: "Arguably the hottest hole on any green she plays ... [Garrett] says she likes it 'long, strong and accurate' when she's out on the course." Garrett, who was named the 2006 European tour rookie of the year, is suing for defamation"


Fired for being a hero: "A Florida man has been besieged with job offers - after he was sacked for saving a woman from an armed robber. Juan Canales, 42, lost his job as a waiter with a Thai restaurant in Fort Lauderdale after his boss got sick of the media attention. But he quickly received new job offers once the twist to the story was reported in the local press, reports the South Florida Sun-Sentinel. "I just felt bad for him because here is a guy who does the right thing and he gets fired for it," said Peggy Talerico, of All Atlas Roofing. Robert Garofalo, owner of an electrical repair business, said he, too, wanted to help: "Come on, the guy fired him for being a hero. Ridiculous." Canales was fired after subduing a knife-wielding robber who tried to steal a Honda car from a woman customer. He disarmed the man then, with the help of three other men, managed to hold the robber down until police arrived. Mr Canales then spent an hour talking to police and the media. He returned to work but when the lunch shift ended, his boss fired him. "The owner got belligerent" about all the attention his scuffle with the carjacker generated, he said. Although he was "devastated," Mr Canales said, "I would do it again because it was the right thing to do."


Ancient Australian cyclist: "Cliff Bell is so besotted by his sport that when the time comes, he says he hopes to die on his bike. "I love pushing a bike. I just love to ride, it does me a lot of good physically," Bell says, while out on his bike on the Gwydir Highway about 15km from Inverell on the way to Warialda in northern NSW. Bell is well known around the "Fossicker's Way" in the Inverell district, riding between 250-350km a week on his road bike, pedals churning, the shiny spokes flashing in the mid-morning sun. Not too shabby for a bloke who celebrated his 92nd birthday three weeks ago, making him one of the oldest cyclists in Australia, if not the world."





(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)



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Saturday, September 15, 2007



Hooters opens in China

With Chinese characteristics









THE NEWS

Lord Ram row dredges up religious fury: "THOUSANDS of furious Hindus have taken to the streets after the Indian Government claimed that the epic that forms the cornerstone of their religious beliefs was a work of fiction. Police used teargas to disperse crowds in the central state of Madhya Pradesh, where protesters accused the Government of blasphemy. The row erupted when the Archaeological Survey of India (ASI), an arm of the Culture Ministry, told the country's highest court that there was no evidence to support the existence of the characters in the Ramayana, a revered ancient text. Nor was there any historical record that Lord Ram, one of Hinduism's most popular heroes, was a real person or that any of the events in the epic took place. The highly controversial claim formed part of statements submitted to the court in support of a plan to dredge a channel between India and Sri Lanka that would allow cargo ships a faster route around the tip of the sub-continent, cutting 36 hours off a typical passage. Many Hindus oppose the pound stg. 600 million ($1.45 billion) scheme because the proposed shipping lane would demolish a submerged stretch of limestone shoals that Hindus believe was built by Lord Ram to rescue his kidnapped wife, Sita"




Big ship: "The biggest cruise liner to be based in Britain took to the water yesterday at the Finnish shipyard where she is being built. The 400 million pound, 160,000-tonne Independence of the Seas will be based in Southampton when she enters service in May. At the moment she is two-thirds complete, with 2,500 people working on her, according to Kvaerner Masa-Yards, the company building the liner. At 1,112ft (340m), she will be bigger than the Queen Mary II and able to carry 4,375 passengers and more than 1,000 crew. This makes her the joint-biggest cruise liner in the world, along with her sister ships Liberty of the Seas and Freedom of the Seas, which are already in service. Facilities include a climbing wall and ice-skating rink. The placing of the ship in Britain is an indication of the booming cruise market in the UK and Europe and the fierce competition between operators for a share of passengers."




Britain has an old-fashioned run on the bank: "The jitters plaguing financial markets spread to the high street for the first time yesterday as thousands of panicking savers queued to withdraw millions of pounds from Northern Rock, Britain's eighth-biggest bank. The rush to pull out savings followed the revelation that Northern Rock had been forced to ask the Bank of England for a rescue injection of finance. The Bank of England pledged to provide unspecified liquidity support to see Northern Rock through the turbulence while it worked on an orderly resolution to its problems. The bank is braced for a fresh surge of withdrawals from its 76 branches to-day and last night was planning to extend its opening hours. Adam Applegarth, the chief executive, told The Times that he had ordered extra deliveries of cash in expectation of the deluge. Ministers, regulators and bankers tried to calm the panic by issuing reassuring statements that customers' deposits were safe. The Financial Services Authority, which supervises banks, said that Northern Rock was solvent, exceeded its regulatory capital requirement and had a good-quality loan book. The British Bankers' Association said: "Everyone should calm down and refrain from making simplistic comments in a very complex area which just causes unnecessary worry and concern. Northern Rock is a sound and safe bank and there is absolutely no reason for either mortgage customers or savers to worry."




Japan goes to the moon: "Asia's race to the Moon began yesterday when Japan launched an unmanned lunar probe, the most ambitious mission of its kind since the United States' Apollo missions of the 1970s. The lunar orbiter Kaguya, named after a Moon princess in a Japanese fairytale, was launched from Japan's space centre on the small southern island of Tanegashima. The 55 billion yen ($480 million) Selenological and Engineering Explorer (SELENE), to give it its full name, will orbit the Earth twice before beginning a 20-day, 237,500-mile (380,000-km) journey to establish an orbit around the Moon."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)



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Friday, September 14, 2007



A lesson in AUTHENTIC Jewish cookery (received from a REAL Yiddisher Momma -- see below)



Remember how your grandmother used to cook? Where is that cooking now? I'm talking about the lack of good old, down-home Jewish cooking in our homes. I'm taking it upon myself to help out all you frantic housewives out there with wonderful menus that will lead your children to a healthy, happy, and loving family unit as I knew it in my childhood.

First, buy a housecoat (shmata) and wear it all day, every day.

Then go out and buy a live chicken, carry it wrapped in a newspaper to the shoichet (slaughterer) who will ritually slaughter it before your very eyes.

When you get it home, flick (pluck) your chicken and make sure you don't leave in any pinchus (feather ends).

Next, go out and buy a four-foot-long carp with huge whiskers. Fill your bathtub with water and let the fish swim in it for several days.

In the meantime, roll up your Burbur broadloom, and remove it from the living room, polish the hardwood floors, cover them in newspaper, cover
your couch in clear plastic, or floral slip covers, and don't let anyone into your living room again ....unless they are "company."

Now you're a real balabusta (or a berieh) which is a term of respect used for an efficient Jewish housewife, and the essence of your universe is in the kitchen.

So get out your wooden matches, light the pilot light, get out the volgar holtz (wooden bowl), hock the tzibbeles (chop the onions) and knubble (garlic), and we're Jewish again.

Before we start, however, there are some variations in ingredients because of the various types of Jewish taste (Litvack and Gallicianer).

Just as we Jews have six seasons of the year (winter, spring, summer, fall, slack, and busy), we all focus on a main ingredient which, unfortunately and undeservedly, has disappeared from our diet.

I'm talking, of course, about SCHMALTZ (chicken fat)!

Schmaltz has for centuries been the prime ingredient in almost every Jewish dish, and I feel it's time to revive it to its rightful place in our homes. I have plans to distribute it in a green glass Gucci bottle with a label clearly stating: LOW FAT, NO CHOLESTEROL, NEWMAN'S CHOICE, EXTRA VIRGIN SCHMALTZ (it can't miss)!

Let's start, of course, with the forshpeiz (appetizer). Gehockteh layber (chopped liver) with schmaltz and tzibbeles (onion) is always good, but how about something more exotic for your dear ones, like boiled whitefish in yoyech (gell). Or gefilteh miltz (stuffed spleen), in which the veins are removed, thank God, and it's fried in -- you guessed it -- schmaltz, bread crumbs, eggs, onions, salt and pepper. Love it!

How about stewed lingen (lungs) -- very chewy. Or gehenen (brains) -- very slimy. Am I making your mouth water yet?

Then there are greebenes, which are pieces of chicken skin, deep-fried in schmaltz, onions and salt until crispy brown -- often referred to as Jewish bacon (this makes a great appetizer for the next cardiology convention).

Another favorite, and I'm sure your children will love it, is pe'tcha (jelliedcalves feet). Simply chop up some cows' feet with your hockmesser (chopper), add some meat, onions, lots of garlic, schmaltz (yes, again), salt and pepper,cook for five hours, and let it sit overnight. You might want to serve it with oat bran and bananas for an interesting breakfast ( just joking).

There's also a nice chicken fricassee (stew) using the heart, gorgl (neck), pipick (the navel, a great delicacy, given to the favorite child, usually me), a fleegl (wing) or two, some ayelech (little premature eggs) and other various chicken innards, in a broth of schmaltz, water, paprika, etc.

We also have knishes (filled dough) and the eternal question: "Will I have liver, beef, potatoes, or all three?"

Other time-tested favorites are kishkeh, and its poor cousin, helzel (chicken or goose neck). Kishkeh is the gut of the cow, bought by the foot at the kosher butcher. It's turned inside out, scalded and scraped. One end is sewn up and a mixture of flour, schmaltz (you didn't think we'd leave that out), onions, eggs, salt, pepper, etc., is spooned into the open end and squished down until it is full. Then that end is sewn, and the whole thing is boiled. Yummy!

My personal all-time favorite pastime is watching my Zaida (Grandpa) munch on boiled chicken feet. Try that on the kinderlach (children).

Well, we've finally finished the forshpeiz. Don't tell me you're full because there's plenty to come.

For our next course, we always had chicken soup with pieces of yellow-white, rubbery chicken skin floating in a greasy sea of lokshen (noodles), farfel (broken bits of matzah), arbiss (chickpeas), lima beans, pietrishkeh, onions, mondlech (soup nuts), knaydlach (dumplings), kasha, (groats), kliskelech and marech (marrow bones).

The main course, as I recall, was either boiled chicken, flanken, kackletten (hockfleish--chopped meat), and sometimes rib steaks which were served either well done, burned, or cremated. Occasionally, we had barbecued liver done to a burned and hardened perfection in our own coal furnace.

Since we couldn't have milk or any dairy products (milchiks) with our meat meals (flayshiks), beverages consisted of cheap pop (Kik, Dominion Dry, seltzer in the spritz bottles), or a glezel tay (glass of hot tea) served in a yohrtzeit (memorial) glass, and sucked through a sugar cube held between the incisors.

Desserts were probably the only things not made with schmaltz, so we never had any.....unless it was flummen (cooked prunes). Mama never learned how to make schmaltz Jell-O.

Well, now you know the secret of how I've grown ! up to be so tall, sinewy, slim and trim, energetic, extremely clever and modest, and if you want your children to grow up to be like me, you're in gontzen meshuggah (completely nuts)!

Oh yes, don't forget the loud greps (belch) -- the louder the better --at the end of the meal as you unbutton or unzip your pants. It's often the best part of the repast.

Zei mir gezunt (be well)...and order out Chinese.







THE NEWS

CA: Crooked guards: "As part of an ongoing anti-theft campaign, the Rancho Cordova Police Department baited a trap. They left a popular video game console on the back seat of a car in the parking lot of the Mather Field light-rail station. Monday night at 10:30 p.m., the bait was taken. Using "sophisticated electronic surveillance equipment," hidden in the game console, officers took up the chase. They didn't have far to look. The trail led a short distance away -- to the small building used by the station's security guards. Rancho Cordova Detective Sgt. Pete James said officers confronted the two guards on duty and found the game console stashed inside a trash bag in a file cabinet. The guards, Ashneel Kumar, 18, of North Highlands and Daniil Shevchuk, 19, of Sacramento, admitted breaking into the vehicle and stealing the game system, James said. Both are in custody on three felony charges related to the theft and break-in, according to jail records".


Czech crash victim wakes speaking English: "A CZECH speedway driver knocked unconscious in a crash stunned ambulance drivers when he woke up speaking perfect English. 18-year-old Matej Kus was out cold for 45 minutes after the crash, but when he woke up he conversed fluidly in English with paramedics, even speaking in an English accent. The teenager had just begun to study the language and his skills were described by friends and team-mates as "basic at best". Peter Waite, the promoter for Kus's team, the Berwick Bandits, told the Daily Mail: "I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "It was in a really clear English accent, no dialect or anything. Whatever happened in the crash must have rearranged things in his head. "Before his crash Matej's use of the English language was broken, to put it mildly. "He was only just making a start on improving it and struggled to be understood, but was keen to learn. "Yet here we were at the ambulance door listening to Matej talking to the medical staff in perfect English. "Matej didn't have a clue who or where he was when he came round. He didn't even know he was Czech. "It was unbelievable to hear him talk in unbroken English." Unfortunately, the speedway driver's new found skills didn't last and he remembers nothing of the accident or the following two days. He is now keen pursue studies in English."


Indispensable sausages: "PRISONERS in a county jail in New Mexico have gone on a rampage, breaking toilets and windows, after being told they would be allowed only one sausage at dinner. Jail officials said around 33 inmates threw a "temper tantrum", yelling and banging on their doors when told about the sausage rationing. The jail was locked down and additional officers called to restore control. Warden Jann Gartman said the other 300-plus prisoners accepted the meal without incident."


Nigerian banks told to stop using pretty women: "NIGERIAN banks have been told to stop using attractive women to lure customers. Senate President David Mark said that despite changes to the sector in 2005 that reduced the number of banks from 89 to 25 - supposedly making them more efficient - many banks still used women to attract new business. "Banks have made it a policy to employ beautiful ladies and give them targets to meet," Mark said during the inauguration of the new Senate committee on banking and insurance Wednesday. "This is unacceptable and must stop. You ordered the consolidation, so I think you must do something to stop it," he said, addressing officials of the central bank."




(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)



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Thursday, September 13, 2007



More billboards








THE NEWS

Don't work, have sex, Governor says: "The Governor of a central Russian province urged couples to skip work today and make love instead. And if a woman gives birth in exactly nine months time - on Russia's national day on June 12 - she will qualify for a prize. "It's normally something for the home - a fridge or a television set," Yelena Yakovleva at the Ulyanovsk regional administration press office, said. "It doesn't matter if it's a girl or a boy." Regional governor Sergei Morozov told employers to contribute to a Kremlin campaign to boost the birth rate by giving couples today off to have sex. Russia wants to reverse a trend in which the population is shrinking by about 700,000 people a year as births fail to outpace a high death rate boosted by AIDS, alcoholism and suicide".


Town ditches traffic lights to cut accidents: "A TOWN council in Germany has decided the best way of improving road safety is to remove all traffic lights and stop signs downtown. From September 12, all traffic controls will disappear from the center of the western town of Bohmte to try to reduce accidents and make life easier for pedestrians. In an area used by 13,500 cars every day, drivers and pedestrians will enjoy equal right of way, Klaus Goedejohann, the town's mayor, told Reuters. "Traffic will no longer be dominant," he said. The idea of removing signs to improve road safety, called "Shared Space," was developed by Dutch traffic specialist Hans Monderman, and is supported by the European Union. The EU will cover half of the 1.2 million euros ($1.9 million) it will cost Bohmte to ditch its traffic lights. Monderman's ideas have already been implemented in the town of Drachten in the north of the Netherlands, where all stop lights, traffic signs, pavements, and street markings have gone. "It's been very successful there," Goedejohann said, adding that accidents in Drachten had been reduced significantly."



Marmite rules! "Paddington Bear has had some adventures since he was found on a station platform by Mr and Mrs Brown at the start of his first book 49 years ago. Much has changed for the duffel coat-wearer from Darkest Peru since he came to London, but one thing has remained a comforting constant for nearly half a century: marmalade sandwiches. Until now, that is. Paddington has forsaken his favourite filling in order to advertise Marmite. From today, television viewers will witness Paddington spotting an advert for new, squeezy bottles of Marmite (themselves an alarming move away from the traditional glass jars) and deciding to try them. He tucks into a sandwich - loving its unusual, taste, then shares it with a pigeon, who is distinctly unimpressed, reflecting the yeast extract spread's "love it or hate it" slogan. The adverts are the first time in 20 years that Michael Bond's creation will appear as an animation, rather than in cartoon or print forms. Unilver, the makers of Marmite, which dates from 1902, hope the campaign will play on the nostalgia factor for older viewers while also encouraging younger viewers to give it a try. [Marmite and its Australian version, Vegemite, will remain a perennial mystery to most Americans. For those who love it, however, it is indispensable]


Pasta joke: "Italians are being urged to forgo spaghetti, tagliatelle and ravioli today to protest against rising prices. The one-day "pasta strike" has been called by the main Italian consumer groups, which blame the increasing use of durum wheat for biofuels for price increases of up to 20 per cent. The groups are trying to persuade Italians to boycott pasta and bread in the shops and order something other than pasta in restaurants and trattorias. The strike will present a tug of war between Italians' anger over price rises and their profound attachment to pasta - as much a symbol of italianita (Italianness) as pizza, opera and football. A recent opinion poll found that nearly half of Italians would rather forgo sex than spaghetti."


(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)



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Wednesday, September 12, 2007



Some Canadian billboards below

Allegedly














THE NEWS

Mugger pauses to lick his victim's toes: "A MUGGER who robbed a woman of her keys and mobile phone then took off her shoes and licked her toes. The 24-year old woman from St Paul in Minnesota was approached by a man who demanded her keys and phone. Then he took off her shoes and licked her toes, before making his escape. The 27-year old man was arrested a few minutes later. Police say the woman was not hurt, and called the attack some sort of "weird sexual behavior."




"Nipplegate": "An indecency case resulting from the fleeting exposure of Janet Jackson's right nipple to 90 million Super Bowl viewers made it to the 3rd US Circuit Court of Appeals in Philadelphia yesterday, three years after the event. In what many regard as one of the more absurd legal cases in recent US history, the court will decide whether "Nipplegate" was an intentional act of broadcasting indecency or merely, as Jackson contends, an accidental "wardrobe malfunction". CBS, the television network that broadcast the show, is challenging the $550,000 fine imposed by the broadcasting watchdog, claiming that "fleeting, isolated or unintended" images should not automatically be considered indecent."


Mugger picks on blind judo champ: "A German mugger who picked on a blind man had a shock when his 'victim' turned out to be a world judo champ. Michael Esser, 33, a world champion last year in martial arts for the visually impaired, ended up pummelling his 17-year-old attacker into submission. Mr Esser had just bought a packet of cigarettes outside the railway station in Marburg when the skinheaded, jobless attacker demanded them. "Give me those, Stevie," he said in what police said was a reference to blind singer Stevie Wonder. He lunged for the cigarettes and hit the man in the face. The blind man then seized his arm, shoved it behind his back and kneed him in the back of his legs. Then he twisted him around and flung him face-first on to the pavement, pinning him to the ground with his body. "The blind Judoka used some expert moves to wrestle the robber to the ground and pinned him down while he shouted for help," Marburg police said in a statement. The champion had to be treated for a bloody nose following the incident but he said: "I may be blind but I am fit. I hope he thinks twice before he picks on people again."


Superstitious Chinese: "Officials in China emptied a reservoir after residents complained a monster was lurking in its depths. Locals claimed they heard 'Moo' sounds coming from the water at night, reports the Western China City Daily. Hongxian township government instructed the Yongfu Hydropower plant to empty its reservoir even though it had only been open for two months. They spent about five days letting the 35ft reservoir run dry - and found nothing more than pebbles. "We had to empty the reservoir, since more and more people were visiting it, and it was dangerous," a spokesman explained."




(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)



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Tuesday, September 11, 2007



The British couple who stopped at a Travelodge - and stayed there for 22 years

To the weary traveller, roadside hotels are usually little more than a welcome pitstop for one night at the very most. However, for David and Jean Davidson, the Travelodge chain is the place they have called home for 22 years. The couple, who never have to cook, clean, do the washing up or make a bed, spent their first night in a roadside Travelodge in 1985 when they drove to visit an elderly aunt in Staffordshire who was in poor health. They enjoyed their stay so much that when the aunt died four months later they moved out of their flat in Sheffield and took up residence at the Travelodge in Newark, Nottinghamshire.

In 1997, they moved into a new Travelodge on the A1 at Grantham, Lincolnshire, where they still live. Yesterday Mr Davidson, 79, a former Royal Navy sailor who served in the Second World War, said: “We have everything we need here — and the staff are like family now. We get great rates because we book well in advance and all our bed linen is laundered too. It doesn’t get much better than that does it?” “We only have to walk across the car park for meals as there is a Little Chef here too. Alternatively we go to local eateries for a bite to eat.”

The couple have spent no less than 97,000 pounds on their hotel costs over the course of 22 years — a sum which could have bought them a two bedroom terrace home in the Lincolnshire area.

The couple, who have a 54-year-old son, now have their own housekeeper and give and receive Christmas, birthday and anniversary presents from staff. Mrs Davidson said: “I really like living here as it is so convenient and our room is on the ground floor so there are no stairs or lifts to deal with. “We don’t get hit with huge heating bills over the winter and it’s safer than a lot of places these days. “It’s also great to be based so centrally to Grantham, Newark and Lincoln. We like going for day trips or having lunch at local hotels. “For us it’s a better and cheaper option than an old people’s home and we’re well looked after.”

Mr Davidson, a retired banker, added: “We were the first guests to stay in the Grantham Travelodge and have lived here for the past 10 years, only visiting our flat every fortnight or so in Sheffield to collect any post. “Our room feels like a home from home, with personal photos in frames and our wardrobe filled with all our clothes. Friends and family also come to visit us here. “There is always something going on outside our window. Our room looks out on to the car park and a busy slip road where lorries pass by throughout the night. “It suits us so much better than our first floor flat in Sheffield which has no disabled access for Jean, who now has a bone disease and requires a wheelchair. “The facilities here are great. There is no reason why we’d want to go home. Even when we go on holiday we like to stay in Travelodges.”

Paul Anstey, of Travelodge, said: “We know Travelodge has really loyal customers throughout the UK but the Davidson’s are unique. They have made a Travelodge their home. To recognise their remarkable loyalty, we are going to rename their room from number one to ‘The Davidson’s Suite’ and mount a plaque in reception.”

Original here






THE NEWS

Canadian penny on deathbed: "A recent report on coin usage by the Desjardins Group, a Quebec-based economic think tank, has revived the debate on the future of Canada's one-cent coin. The study revealed that only 37% of Canadians regularly use pennies for purchases, while many others give them away, throw them in fountains, or let them pile up around the house. Because of this, and the fact that taxpayers spend around $130 million per year on minting new pennies, Desjardins analysts are recommending that Canada follow the lead of Australia and New Zealand and do away with the largely obsolete and insignificant coin."


Man beaten after admiring car: "A 30-year-old man is lucky to be alive after he and his wife were assaulted by up to six occupants of a Hummer vehicle as they stood admiring it in inner-Melbourne early today. Police said the man and his 32-year-old wife were admiring a silver-coloured Hummer - a large, US-style four-wheel drive - outside Kings car park on Flinders Lane, between Spencer and King streets, about 5.30am (AEST) when they were set upon. The man said "I love your car" before he was attacked by up to six people, with at least one brandishing a metal bar. "The victim was severely beaten and left unconscious," Detective Senior Constable Brett Hampson said. He was taken to the Royal Melbourne Hospital with sever head injuries and blood loss. The victim's wife was also taken to hospital for treatment of minor injuries. Police are investigating whether a red sports car, which left the car park at the same time as the Hummer without rendering assistance, was also involved. They say they are confident the Hummer - whose design is based on the US army's Humvee vehicle - will be found. "It's a very distinctive car and we'll be very confident that we'll locate these people that have assaulted this male in such a bad way," Det Sen Const Hampson said."


What a klutz!: "A hapless reporter has inadvertently destroyed an intricate model of the leaning tower of Pisa. The reporter, covering a story on a student who made a tower out of wooden blocks, drags a microphone cable across the replica, destroying it before Guinness Book of Records judges could examine it." [You can see the video at the link given]


The new British morality?: "A stern warning for journalists who turned up for the press launch of ITV2’s steamy and controversial new prostitute drama, Belle de Jour , which stars Billie Piper. “Billie will be taking questions about nudity, prostitution and whipping,” announced a flunky. “But you may not ask her about her private life.” Such is the modern age."





(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)



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Monday, September 10, 2007



Glamor puss

Guess how the lady below earns her living?



She is a lawyer and is also an Australian conservative politician. She was also born in Israel. There are a lot like her there. And the Arabs want to blow them up! I can think of better things. Read a bit about the lady here







THE NEWS

Dopey dealer escapes prosecution: "A 20-year-old Californian man called police after two men pointed a gun through the window of his parked car and stole the four ounces (113g) of marijuana he was holding. According to police spokesman Zach Friend, the man first claimed his stash was for medicinal use, then that he was minding it for a friend, before finally admitting it was stolen by his prospective customers. "His initial line of defense was to present us with a medical marijuana card, which - no surprise - does not allow you to sell marijuana on the street," said police spokesman Zach Friend. "At one point he said he regretted calling us, and I'm sure he did," Friend said. "It's quite rare to have people dealing drugs call us when they're ripped off." No charges were laid against the man as he no longer had any drugs in his possession. The other two guys, however, are wanted on suspicion of armed robbery."


Bungling burglar signs off: "A BUNGLING burglar left police a giveaway clue to his identity, scrawling graffiti which revealed his name on a wall after ransacking a campsite in northwest England, police said. "Peter Addison was here!" wrote the 18-year-old in black marker pen on a wall after the drunken burglary with an accomplice in August in which they smashed crockery and let off fire extinguishers. Just in case that was not enough for detectives, he added his gang's name daubed on the wall: "The Adlington Massiv!" He also added "R Gay" to a poster saying "Garden Birds of Britain." Detectives rapidly traced Addison on their computers. "This crime is up there with the dumbest of all in the criminal league table," said Inspector Gareth Woods after Addison and Mark Ridgeway, also 18, pleaded guilty to burglary at Macclesfield Magistrates' Court."


Army of beauty queens: "Rather than presenting a rough, sunburnt face to the enemy, many South Korean soldiers on guard against North Korea blow their budget on beauty products. Some members of the largely conscript army ``now rival women in the use of cosmetics, and some even order wigs to disguise their short hair for the vacation,'' according to the website of Chosun Ilbo newspaper. In a report today headlined ``An army of beauty queens?'', the paper said one 21-year-old it interviewed spends an average of 110,000 won ($A143) a month on bath products and cosmetics. Besides shampoo and conditioner, he uses toner, moisturiser, essence, sun-block and foam cleanser, it said, noting that his basic pay is only 80,000 won. ``I got worried that my skin would get rough and dark after I joined the army,'' another unidentified soldier was quoted as saying. ``This trend is not just taking place among young soldiers but among young men in general, so I shouldn't be too worried about it,'' one field officer was quoted as saying."


Bottle of vodka buys hitmen to kill husbands: "When the magic is gone from a marriage in Russia, a bottle of vodka can be enough to resolve the problem - permanently, according to newspaper reports. Contract killings of spouses ``have long since become more common than contract killings of businessmen and criminals in many parts of the country,'' the Novye Izvestia daily quoted a police investigator as saying. While one woman was arrested in southern Moscow for ordering the murder of her husband for 2,200 euros ($A3,646), ``often relatives will become hitmen for free,'' the investigator was quoted as saying. ``The fee for the murder could be a bottle of vodka, or else money, or a share of the victim's business or real estate.'' The most notorious such case in recent years came in 2004, when beauty queen Anastasiya Nasinovskaya, then 21, was convicted of ordering the murder of her lover, Moscow businessman Igor Lantsov, with $US15,000 ($A18,316) of his own money. Not one to hold a grudge, Lantsov married Nasinovksaya after she was released with a five-year suspended sentence."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)



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Sunday, September 09, 2007



Context needed

A grandpa walks into a grandson's apartment and sees a condom on the table. "What's this!?" demands the grandfather.

"It's a condom," replies the grandson sheepishly.

"What do you use it for?" asks Gramps.

The grandson is surprised that his grandpa really doesn't know what a condom is, and replies, "I use it to keep my cigarettes dry when I smoke in the rain."

To his surprise his grandpa says, "That's a great idea," and goes off to the drug store. He asks the pharmacist for a condom.

"What size would you like?" asks the pharmacist.

"Oh, big enough to fit a camel."






THE NEWS

One in three French regional wines 'a sham': "One in three of all wines marketed under France's regional appellation system - from Bordeaux to Cahors, Saint-Emilion or Sancerre - do not deserve the label, a top consumer group claimed overnight. Under France's wine classification system, wines from some 470 regions are each recognised as an "appellation d'origine controlee" (AOC) - a system based on the notion of "terroir" according to which wine-growing areas have specific characters nurtured since Gallo-Roman times. But according to France's UFC-Que Choisir consumer rights group, slack controls which saw 99 per cent of all candidate wines awarded their AOC label in 2005, and pressure to produce higher yields, have led to a collapse in quality. "For a number of years, we've seen a steady fall in quality in a number of AOCs, which has completely undermined consumer confidence," Alain Bazot, the association's head, said. UFC said that one in three AOC bottles were now either of sub-standard quality or insufficiently linked to the region"


No more little Supermans: "Officials in Venezuela are attempting to crack down on some of the silly names that parents are giving their children. The National Electoral Council has proposed a bill banning names that expose children to "ridicule, are extravagant or difficult to pronounce". If approved, it could mean the end of names like Edigaith, Mileidy, Maikel and Superman - at least two Venezuelans are called Superman. Although similar measures are already in place, it is up to the discretion of the registry authorities as to whether a particularly silly name is allowed. A list of 100 'appropriate' names has been suggested."


Heh! Conservationists save wrong fish: "Efforts to save a rare fish suffered a setback when scientists realised they'd been restocking rivers and lakes with the wrong species. Researchers at the University of Colorado have been trying to restore the cutthroat trout, Colorado's official state fish, to its native habitat since the early 1970s. They described the blow to the expensive, decades-long effort as a "setback", reports the Rocky Mountain News. "This was a very surprising result," said Jessica Metcalf, a researcher at CU who led the study. "It's not at all what we expected." The greenback cutthroat, named for the brilliant crimson slashes behind its jaw, was named Colorado's state fish in 1994. It had been declared endangered in 1973 when the scheme was launched to restore the species using sperm and eggs from what were believed to be nine relic populations. However, using DNA analysis, researchers recently found that five of those nine relic populations weren't greenback cutthroats at all, but Colorado River cutthroats. Bruce Rosenlund of the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service, played down the discovery and said only DNA technology could tell the difference between the two species. "Our feeling for a long time has been that they were very, very closely related and indistinguishable... other than the fact that one's on the east side of the Continental Divide and one's on the west side," he said."


A last word from London's famous red buses: "A double-decker bus was driven through the heart of London - with a giant obscene insult about Mayor Ken Livingstone on its roof. Office staff roared with laugher on reading "Livingstone is a c***!" in 3ft-high letters, according to The Sun. The culprit's handiwork went unseen by bosses at Wood Green bus depot as it was not visible at street level. Eye-witness Matt Arney, 26, who spotted and photographed the bus near the Thames Embankment, said: "Everyone dashed to the window. It was hilarious." Mr Livingstone has been blamed for axing the famous Routemaster buses".



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)



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Saturday, September 08, 2007




Mother Christmas







The Irishman's Wish

An Irishman is sitting at the end of a bar. He sees a lamp at the end of the table. He walks down to it and rubs it. Out pops a genie. It says, "I will give you three wishes."

The man thinks awhile. Finally he says, "I want a beer that never is empty."

With that, the genie makes a poof sound and on the bar is a bottle of beer. The Irishman starts drinking it and right before it is gone, it starts to refill. The genie asks about his next two wishes.

The man says, "I want two more of these."







THE NEWS

Maggie Gyllenhaal steamy?: "Hollywood actress Maggie Gyllenhaal has taken over supermodel Kate Moss as the smouldering new face - and knockout body - of lingerie line Agent Provocateur. Gyllenhaal stripped down for a series of sexually charged images, which see the scantily clad star splashing about in a bath and even posing in handcuffs." [I must be getting old. I don't see what is attractive about her at all. Lots of pics of her at the link given]


Men still go for looks, women for wealth: "The face of dating may have changed down the years, but the laws of attraction have not changed since the days of the Neanderthals, a new study says. It seems that men still seek out the most attractive women and women are drawn to the men that make the best providers - leveraging their looks to snag the best mate they can. Or at least that's what a group of researchers found when they observed some modern singles at work - in a speed-dating session in Munich, Germany. In questionnaires filled out before they went into the session, the participants said they were looking for mirror-images of themselves - someone who matched them in terms of status, commitment and looks. But when the 21 women and 25 men sat down for "mini-dates'' with members of the opposite sex and later chose which ones they would like to go on a proper date with, the investigators saw a completely different dynamic at work. "There's this disparity between what people say they want in a mate and what they end up choosing,'' said Peter Todd, a cognitive scientist at Indiana University in Bloomington who worked on the paper. The men homed in on the most attractive women, while the women were drawn to material wealth and security. The females were also much more calculating and picky in their choices of prospective mates than their male counterparts."


Russia: Mayor bans "I Don't Know" for his minions: "The mayor of a Siberian oil town has ordered his bureaucrats to stop using expressions such as 'I don't know' and 'I can't' ... Or look for another job. Alexander Kuzmin, the 33-year-old mayor of Megion, has banned these and 25 other phrases as a way to make his administration more efficient, his spokeswoman said Tuesday. 'It's a suggestion to the staff that they should think before saying something,' Oksana Shestakova said by telephone. 'To say 'I don't know' is the same as admitting your helplessness.' ... Some of the other prohibited phrases are 'What can we do?' 'It's not my job,' 'It's impossible,' 'I'm having lunch,' 'There is no money,' and 'I was away/sick/on vacation.'"


Puritanical Facebook: "Thousands of Facebook members are on the warpath after the social networking site removed images of breastfeeding mums and banned others for posting "obscene content". They call themselves "lactivists" and say Facebook's practices are discriminatory. Facebook's hardline stance on what its members can publish on their profiles is somewhat hypocritical given that it was caught running an image of a topless model in a banner ad for a dating service. The mothers, many from Australia, started a petition in the form of a Facebook group called "Hey, Facebook, breastfeeding is not obscene!". The group now has almost 7000 members. "Absolutely it is discriminatory and it makes me angry," said group member Pru Wirth, a mother of two from the central coast in NSW. "If actual venues can be fined up to $40,000 for asking breastfeeding mums to cover up or move on, then why not a virtual public place?"




(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)



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Friday, September 07, 2007



A Small Dictionary of Middle-East Stereotypes

AFP (the French semi-official news agency): A press agency in charge of the Palestinian Authority's external propaganda. (See also Reuters).

Al-Andalus: A terrestrial paradise; irrefutable proof that Islamic imperialism is a blessing for all, and that everyone adores it. Never mention pogroms committed by the Almohads and others against Jews and Christians, or the constitutive inferiority in which they were plunged.

Ambulance: A van covered with insignia of the Red Crescent. Its principal functions are: (1) the transport of terrorists to the site of an attack, (2) the transport of weapons, (3) televised exhibition (see: CNN, BBC, France 2, etc.) if struck by a projectile, and (4), if necessary, the transport of wounded (get false ones if there are no real ones at hand and arrive at the hospital in a real light and sound show, after having tipped the above-mentioned media). Never forget, more generally, the staging of Palestinian suffering.

Amnesty International: A Palestinian kills a Jew: what reasons did the Jew give the Palestinian to justify the latter's act? Cf. Amnesty International report No 943/b/5 "43 good reasons"!

Arab: A victim incarnate of imperialism, colonialism and exploitation (see also: Bank accounts in Switzerland).

Arab army: A military body with varied functions: (1) to get crushed by the opposing armies, (2) to massacre the civilian population of its own country, (3) to absorb such a level of the GNP that nothing is left for the rest of the needs, except for the kleptocrats in power.

Arab policy (of France): A weak-willed reconstitution of a dissolved empire; post-dated disavowal of the battle of Poitiers; launched for General de Gaulle by the Nazi Jacques Benoist-M,chin; the art of having the French taxpayer foot the bill for never repaid loans to certain countries, with the aim of getting them to support the supposedly preeminent role of France in the world, while giving them weapons they are incapable of using. See also: Financing of French political parties. Finally, see: Jacques Chirac (financing of the election campaigns of).

Arab Press: Is to Arab policy what sewers are to cesspools.

Arab street: In English, rent-a-crowd. An idle urban population, always ready to gather; the appropriate police services then hand out the slogans of the day (Israel, the United States). By miracle, BBC and CNN are always on the spot where the spontaneous demonstrations are to take place (do not forget the posters in English, please).

Arab Summit: A group of paunchy, bearded individuals who shout a lot without worrying about content, provided that at the end Israel is condemned, along with the United States. They embrace from time to time without worrying about the epidemiological consequences.

Arab unity: A fetish trotted out at any opportunity while cutting each other's throat; do not forget the rattle!

Arafat (Yasser): A circus character with remarkable talents as a ventriloquist, illusionist and conjurer. A killer without scruples. A great talent for acting as flypaper on which useful idiots got stuck.

Assassination: (1) An objectionable Israeli act; (2) An unsuitable name given by the Jewish-dominated press to the elimination of a Zionist slaughterer.

Assistance (Arab): By adding the Arab official announcements during Arab and Islamic summits, you obtain a total assistance granted the Palestinians since 1948 adding up to $794 billion.

Auschwitz: "The Germans will never forgive the Jews for Auschwitz" said psychiatrist Zvi Rex. In the same way, the French elites will never forgive the Jews for Vichy.

More here







THE NEWS

Nepal: Airline sacrifices goat to appease sky god: "Officials at Nepal's state-run airline have sacrificed two goats to appease Akash Bhairab, the Hindu sky god, following technical problems with one of its Boeing 757 aircraft, the carrier said Tuesday. Nepal Airlines, which has two Boeing aircraft, has had to suspend some services in recent weeks due the problem. The goats were sacrificed in front of the troublesome aircraft Sunday at Nepal's only international airport in Kathmandu in accordance with Hindu traditions, an official said."


Alcohol phobia in Maine: "A 65-year-old US woman who went into a supermarket in Maine to buy wine was turned away because she did not have an identification card with her to prove her age. "I'll be bringing my driver's licence with me from now on," said Barbara Skapa. Skapa said she normally carries her driver's licence. But with her leg in a cast, Skapa was being driven by a friend when she went into the Hannaford Bros market in Farmington last week to buy several items, including some bottles of wine. The cashier told her it was policy to check for identification, said Skapa, who believes "no one would mistake me for 30 or even 40." Skapa asked if her friend could buy the wine for her, but that was disallowed too because it is considered "third-party" purchasing"


Leader who blew up mistress is executed: "A senior Chinese parliamentarian who blew up his young mistress to silence her demands for money and marriage was executed yesterday, along with his policeman nephew, who helped him to murder the woman. Duan Yihe, 61, was the latest victim of a crackdown on Communist officials' corruption and extramarital affairs. Last week the Finance Minister, Jin Renqing, was demoted to a post in a government think-tank amid rumours of a sex scandal. Mr Duan was a former chairman of the Standing Committee of the People's Congress, or parliament, of Jinan, the capital of eastern Shandong province. He had admitted asking his nephew, Chen Zhi, a Jinan policeman, to help him to arrange a road accident to eliminate the young woman, Liu Haiping. Mr Chen and the head of a car repair shop planted explosives in Miss Liu's car. They detonated the bomb by remote control as she drove down a busy road in Jinan on July 9."




Bumbling Britain finally gets a fast train: "A Eurostar train shattered the record for the quickest rail journey between Paris and London today, using a new high-speed track that shaved some 30 minutes off the previous fastest time. The record bid was launched to herald the public opening on November 14 of the new stretch of track in Britain and a new Eurostar terminal at London's Saint Pancras station. The 492 kilometre journey from the Gare du Nord in Paris to Saint Pancras took just two hours, three minutes and 39 seconds from station to station. The trip finally signals Britain's admission to the European high-speed rail club, its absence from which has prompted some gentle - and not so gentle - ridicule from France in the past. While trains could travel at high speed on the French side, in Britain speeds were limited before the construction of the new track, which was delayed amid financial problems."




(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)



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Thursday, September 06, 2007



The modern Barbie

A man walks into the toy store to get a Barbie doll for his daughter. So he asks the assistant, as you would, "How much is Barbie?"

"Well," she says, "we have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.00."

"Hey, hang on," the guy asks, "why is Divorced Barbie $265.00 when all the others are only $19.95?"

"Yeah, well, it's like this ... Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture ..."






THE NEWS

Not exactly Rhodes scholars: "Three Norwegian tourists who had planned a holiday on the Greek island of Rhodes landed in the southwestern French town of Rodez yesterday after mistyping the destination on an internet booking form. The trio appears to have been surprised when their Ryanair flight landed in Rodez, which has a mediaeval town centre but no beach resorts. "We were told of the mistake when the three tourists arrived at the airport and we tried to make their stay as agreeable as possible before they decided to return to Norway," the Rodez tourism chief Florence Taillefer said."


9-year-old maths whiz finds master's 'too easy': "A NINE-year-old mathematics prodigy has become Hong Kong's youngest undergraduate as he waltzed through his first day at university saying classes were too easy. March Boedihardjo, an Indonesian-Chinese resident in Hong Kong, was accepted by Baptist University to study for a master's degree after gaining straight As in entrance A-level exams usually taken at 17 or 18. "It was too easy," he said, adding that he'd already learnt the subject matter a year or two ago. The university has designed a five-year program for the child, but it has stirred controversy."


Go to sleep if you want to have more sex: "CHRONIC sleep deprivation is increasingly damaging the male libido and triggering erection problems, a sex researcher has warned at an international sleep conference. The Brazilian sexual health specialist, Professor Monica Andersen, says the increasing pace of the modern world is taking a toll on hours of sleep and is having a direct knock-on impact on sex. There is an increasing body of evidence showing those who don't sleep enough are suffering lower libidos and, in many cases, are also suffering erectile dysfunction. And in a very few number of men, this lack of sleep is triggering a rare and disturbing condition called sleep sex, or sexsomnia, when their libido is heightened and they initiate sex while asleep. "Not getting enough sleep can be very, very damaging on the male sex life but it seems this hasn't actually occurred to many people," said Prof Andersen, a lecturer at the Federal University of Sao Paulo."


Eatery pays through the nose for tofu: "Stinky tofu, a south China delicacy loved by some and detested by others, finally wore out its welcome in one Taiwan neighbourhood. Local environmental authorities got the high court's permission to fine a suburban Taipei restaurant for exceeding the stench limit by three times, a county official said. After measuring the stink around the Kuang Tou Lao restaurant and receiving 16 complaints since April 2006, Taipei County's Environmental Protection Bureau fined the outdoor restaurant T$100,000 ($3,657.42). "The stench level in the air was just too much, and the public was unhappy about it," said Huang Shun-hsiao, a division chief with the bureau. At lower stench levels, Taiwan and much of China tolerate the fermented tofu, or beancurd, because the odour leads to a fragrant taste. The dish, often mixed with herbs and shrimp, is common fare in Taiwan's open markets."




They might even be able to find your luggage one day: "The brains behind British Airways are adding extra luxurious touches to some of its aircraft. At an unveiling in Sydney the bigger, plusher, Club World seat took centre stage. The new seat is 25 per cent wider and just shy of two metres in length. The self-contained travel space is set with mellow lighting to give passengers a sense of in-flight elegance and increased privacy. Plus additional storage ensures all belongings are within reach".





(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)



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Wednesday, September 05, 2007



Siamese twins

A guy starts talking to two women in a bar. They turn out to be Siamese twins and they wind up back at his apartment.

He makes love to one, and then starts to work on the other. He thinks the first one might get bored watching, so he asks her what she'd like to do.

She says, "Is that a trombone in the corner? I'd love to play your trombone." So she plays it while he makes love to her sister.

A few weeks later, the girls are walking past his apartment building. One of the girls says, "Let's stop up and see that guy."

The other girl says, "Gee... do you think he'll remember us?"







THE NEWS

Trivial prosecution: "A 22-year-old man has been arrested for assaulting his father with a bag of Cheetos. Patrick Hamman started arguing with his father, Michael, on Sunday night. Patrick, who lives with his father in Iowa, picked up a bag of Cheetos and threw it at him, hitting him in the face, DesMoinesRegister.com reported. The bag hit Michael in the glasses, causing a cut to the bridge of his nose. The police report , which listed the bag of Cheetos as an assault weapon, said: "Michael's T-shirt was also covered in Cheetos dust." [The ancient legal principle "de minimis non curat lex" has obviously not got through to Des Moines]


Private eye hides inside hearse to bust vandal: "A private detective hid in the back of a hearse to catch a vandal who'd waged a three-year campaign against a group of funeral directors in the UK. The Daily Mail has reported that after spending five days trying to catch the offender in the act, a team of investigators hired by the funeral directors decided to secret someone in a hearse that had been targeted. A small computer screen displaying live images of the hearse was also placed in the bodybag, allowing the private eye to see 40-year-old Richard Bullen stabbing the wheels of the vehicle with a carpentry tool. The investigator made a citizen's arrest soon after. According to the Daily Mail, Bullen was fined 50 pounds in Portsmouth Magistrates Court after admitting one charge of criminal damage for the act caught on camera. He was also banned from going near the funeral directors, from going near the homes of staff and from carrying a bradawl - the tool he used - anywhere in Hampshire."


Money or your cat: "A man in the US state of Rhode Island has been charged with extorting more than $US20,000 ($24,000) from his elderly mother by repeatedly threatening to kidnap her beloved cat and demanding ransom. Garry Lamar, 47, was arrested on Friday and released on $US200 bail. He has been ordered to stay away from his 78-year-old mother, Mary Lamar Grancher. He started threatening to kidnap the cat just over a year ago, after his mother kicked him out of her home, accusing him of abuse, North Kingstown Police Sergeant Daniel Ormond said."




Jessica Alba has the perfect wiggle, study says: "Jessica Alba, the film actress, has the ultimate sexy strut, according to a team of Cambridge mathematicians. The academics found that it is the ratio between hips and waist that puts the sway into a woman's walk - and the nearer that ratio is to 0.7, the better. This ratio provides the body with the right torso strength to produce a more angular swing and bounce to the hips during the walking motion. Therefore, a woman with a 25in waist and 36in hips would have just the right proportions to carry off a sexy swagger as she walks. The Jessica Alba sashay beat off competition from Kate Moss, Angelina Jolie and even Marilyn Monroe, whose walk along a railway platform in Some Like It Hot is one of the most famous in film history. While Monroe was a fraction off the target ratio with 0.69, the Cambridge team said that Alba had the perfect proportions."




(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)



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Tuesday, September 04, 2007



Charlie Brown converts to Islam

An hilarious video here. (Via Infidels are Cool)




And another video here that is obviously meant to be serious but which no-one now seems to understand at all.






THE NEWS

Sealed with a kiss: "It is a moment of high anxiety in any romantic relationship. But now researchers have found that the first kiss may be even more important than anyone suspected. While a kiss may just be a kiss for a man, for a woman it's an all-important means of gauging a prospective partner's compatability. She uses it, the study suggests, to assess a "rich and complex exchange" of romantic and chemical clues that pass between partners as their lips touch. A "good kiss" will help convince her that the partner is worth perservering with but a man who is judged to be a bad kisser is unlikely to find himself invited in for coffee. In the longer term the woman treats kissing as a means to induce bonding and to help her assess whether her partner has remained faithful and interested. For men the kiss is much less important. It might be a source of hormonal information but it's mostly regarded as a preliminary to sex. A man tends to regard a good kiss as one in which he's allowed to use his tongue and is rewarded with moans of pleasure, the study found."




Wotta porker! "The world's heaviest pig, force-fed sand and metal to reach its record breaking weight of 908kg, has been sacrified as part of a religious ceremony in Taiwan. Animal welfare groups, which filmed the pig being bled to death, were outraged at the sacrifice at the annual Pig of God festival, Metro.co.uk reported. The festival includes a heaviest pig contest, with the winner sacrificing their animal in honour of the president. "We want to bring a complete end to this grotesque freak show," a world Society for the Protection of Animals spokesman said. Police in the town of Hsin Chu, where the festival is held, said they were reluctant to ban the contest."


Steamed crap purged in Chinglish crackdown: "Steamed crap and virgin chicken are being removed from restaurant menus in China ahead of next year's Beijing Olympics. Chinese authorities are trying to rid restaurant menus of mangled English translations. and the Beijing Tourism Bureau has released a list with 2753 proposed names for dishes and drinks, designed to replace bizarre and sometimes ridiculous translations on menus. Foreigners are often stumped by dish names such as ``virgin chicken'' (a young chicken dish) or ``burnt lion's head'' (Chinese-style pork meatballs). Other garbled names include ``The temple explodes the chicken cube'' (kung pao chicken) or ``steamed crap'' (steamed carp)."


Strange by name and strange by nature: "A bunglig peeping tom found himself in court after a naked woman spotted him spying on her through a gap in the roof of a tanning salon. Stephen Strange's cover was blown when Louise Hudd, 22, saw him leering through a gap in the ceiling at the Consol Suncentre, in Chippenham, Wiltshire, UK. The terrified customer asked him what he was doing, and he calmly replied, "I just wanted to see what people do in here", Swindon Crown Court heard. And after being asked to leave he replied: "No, I'm going to stay". Far from being embarrassed, Strange, 43, continued to watch as his terrified victim ran from the room half-dressed, The Sun newspaper reported. Strange, of Palmer Street, Chippenham, Wiltshire, admitted one count of voyeurism and was today handed a three-month suspended sentence prison term.... Strange, who had a long criminal record dating back over 30 years, was caught after police found his fingerprints on the salon booth door and was later identified by the victim. He initially claimed he was drunk and had no recollection of the offence, but pleaded guilty on the day of his trial."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)



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Monday, September 03, 2007



Message from an alien civilization

My Mom used to cut chicken, chop eggs and spread mayo on the same cutting board with the same knife and no bleach, but we didn't seem to get food poisoning.

My Mom used to defrost hamburger on the counter AND I used to eat it raw sometimes, too. Our school sandwiches were wrapped in wax paper in a brown paper bag, not in icepack coolers, but I can't remember getting e.coli

Almost all of us would have rather gone swimming in the lake instead of a swimming pool (talk about boring), no beach closures then.

The term cell phone would have conjured up a phone in a jail cell, and a pager was the school PA system.

We all took gym, not PE.. and risked permanent injury with a pair of high top Ked's (only worn in gym) instead of having cross-training athletic shoes with air cushion soles and built in light reflectors. I can't recall any injuries but they must have happened because they tell us how much safer we are now.

Flunking gym was not an option... even for stupid kids! I guess PE must be much harder than gym.

Speaking of school, we all said prayers and sang the national anthem, and staying in detention after school caught all sorts of negative attention.

We must have had horribly damaged psyches. What an archaic health system we had then. Remember school nurses? Ours wore a hat and everything.

I thought that I was supposed to accomplish something before I was allowed to be proud of myself.

I just can't recall how bored we were without computers, Play Station, Nintendo, X-box or 270 digital TV cable stations.

Oh yeah... and where was the Benadryl and sterilization kit when I got that bee sting? I could have been killed!

We played 'king of the hill' on piles of gravel left on vacant construction sites, and when we got hurt, Mom pulled out the 48-cent bottle of Mercurochrome (kids liked it better because it didn't sting like iodine did) and then we got our butt spanked.

Now it's a trip to the emergency room, followed by a 10-day dose of a $49 bottle of antibiotics, and then Mom calls the attorney to sue the contractor for leaving a horribly vicious pile of gravel where it was such a threat.

We didn't act up at the neighbor's house either because if we did, we got our butt spanked there and then we got butt spanked again when we got home.

I recall Donny Reynolds from next door coming over and doing his tricks on the front stoop, just before he fell off. Little did his Mom know that she could have owned our house. Instead, she picked him up and swatted him for being such a goof. It was a neighborhood run amuck.

To top it off, not a single person I knew had ever been told that they were from a dysfunctional family. How could we possibly have known that?

We needed to get into group therapy and anger management classes? We were obviously so duped by so many societal ills, that we didn't even notice that the entire country wasn't taking Prozac! How did we ever survive?






THE NEWS



Super-sized croc chomped on dinosaurs: "Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin never wrestled a croc like this one. As long as a tourist bus and with jaws big enough to pick up a cow, "Sarcosuchus imperator" lived 110 million years ago and was surely the biggest, baddest crocodile to ever roam the earth. This week its scales-and-blood likeness was unveiled by the man who first identified and named the amphibious predator based on fossil remains found in Niger more than 40 years ago. "It is impressive to finally see this animal in the flesh - excuse me, I mean in resin," said a smiling Philippe Taquet, a paleontologist at the Museum of Natural History in Paris. Measuring 12m from snout to tail, and weighing in at 10 tonnes, Sarco - as the beast is known among dinosaur buffs - undoubtedly chomped on big fish and small dinosaurs, dragging them into the tropical rivers that once criss-crossed what is today the Sahara."


Police punished for fining Chinese huggers: "China has punished three policemen for detaining and fining two young lovers 5,000 yuan ($800) for hugging in public on the Chinese version of Valentine's Day. The couple paused to embrace while taking a stroll along a river in Jinshi in the central province of Hunan, the Shanghai Daily said. "As we hugged each other, three policemen came and separated us so they could ask questions," the paper quoted female detainee, Xiao Hong, as saying in an internet posting on a local news portal. "They brought us to the police station and didn't free us until we paid a 5,000 yuan fine." The police were in plain clothes and many other couples were out strolling on the evening of Qi Xi, a local festival often dubbed the Chinese Valentine's Day, the Beijing News said in a separate report. Internet users poured derision on the police, which "forced officials to look into the case", the paper said. "The three policemen have been punished. We have never dealt with such a case before," the paper quoted a clerk at the police station as saying. Police had refunded the money to Xiao Hong's boyfriend and apologised, the paper said".


Blundering diplomats destroy $US10m whale fossil: "European diplomats in four-wheel drives have caused millions of dollars worth of damage to a fossilised whale lying for millions of years in the Egyptian desert, a security source said. "Whale Valley officals have informed the authorities that people from two diplomatic corps vehicles destroyed the fossil," the source told AFP after the destruction was discovered around 150 kilometres south of Cairo. Two cars drove into the protected area on Friday and then refused to stop when asked to do so by wardens who nevertheless got the vehicles' registration numbers which the source said were from "a European country." [Belgium] "The damage is more than $US10 million," the source said."




Maine Sand Castle Builders Seek Record: "The creator of a sand castle built nearly 32 feet high to raise funds for terminally ill children and their families hopes the structure will be named the world's tallest. Organizers said Saturday the elaborate sand castle measured a height of 31 feet, 7 inches. Plans called for verification paperwork to be sent to the Guinness Book of Records, which will determine whether the castle makes the record book. Ed Jarrett, who created a 29 1/4-foot sand castle in Falmouth in 2003 that was declared the world's tallest, organized the "Castle to the Sun" event to raise funds for Camp Sunshine. More than 1,000 people volunteered over the past two months to help build the castle, which used 40 dump truck loads of sand, organizers said."




(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)



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Sunday, September 02, 2007



Some historic insults

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." -- Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." -- Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." -- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." -- Groucho Marx

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." -- Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." -- Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend. . . If you have one." -- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill. . . followed by Churchill's response: "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second, if there is one." -- Winston Churchill

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." -- Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." -- John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." -- Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." -- Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." -- Paul Keating

"He had delusions of adequacy." -- Walter Kerr

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" -- Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." -- Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." -- Oscar Wilde

And lastly, no list of insults would be complete without these.

Lady Astor once remarked to Winston Churchill at a Dinner Party, "Winston, if you were my husband, I would poison your coffee!" Winston replied, "Madam if I were your husband I would drink it!"

Lady Astor also once remarked to Winston Churchill at a Dinner Party, "Winston, you're drunk!" To which, Winston replied: And you're ugly! But I shall be sober in the morning"






THE NEWS

Sydney vet treats cat high on cocaine: "A cat in Sydney's eastern suburbs was taken to a vet high on cocaine and benzodiazepines. The eight-month-old Himalayan cat arrived at the Double Bay clinic on Monday morning with dilated pupils and a racing heart after being accidentally locked in a cupboard overnight, Fairfax newspapers reported. It was having trouble walking, was easily startled, paced incessantly and was too anxious to have a thermometer inserted into its rectum, said a report in this month's edition of Journal of Feline Medicine and Surgery. The owner was adamant the cat had not been exposed to drugs, mouldy food or toxic plants. But when the vet phoned the owner's wife, she admitted the cat could have licked "plates of cocaine" which had been served at a dinner party two days earlier. A drug screen also revealed benzodiazepines in the cat's system. The owner was counselled and allowed to take the cat home as there is no legal requirement for vets to report such cases to the police."


Village walks the tightrope: "By a quirk of history that goes so far back in time no one really remembers it, nearly every man, woman and child in the remote mountain village of Tsovkra-1 can walk the tightrope. For children in the village on Russia's southern fringe, after-school games means balancing on a wire suspended one storey above the ground. "I'm not afraid," 12-year-old Magomed Gadzhiyev said as he stood in a scruffy field on the edge of the village. "My mother was a tightrope walker and I will be too." Behind him an 8-year-old girl wearing a pale green costume gingerly walked across a tightrope about the height of a single-storey building and the length of a goods truck. She held a 3m long pole by her waist to help her balance but there were no cushions or mattresses to break a fall. In its glory years after World War Two, Tsovkra-1 provided tightrope walkers for the Soviet Union's circuses. They entertained crowds across the world with daredevil acrobatics and won the Soviet Union's highest award for artists. That period ended about 30 years ago, but the tradition never died out and now the village is trying to revive its reputation as a world tightrope walking centre. Tsovkra-1 – so called because there is a second Tsovkra nearby – is a farming village in Dagestan, a republic jammed between Chechnya to the west and the Caspian Sea to the east in Russia's turbulent north Caucasus region"


Bionic shirt? "The man mountain they call the Raging Bull has been given a new electrical charge to help England defend the rugby World Cup. Phil Vickery, 31, the 19-stone England captain for the tournament, which kicks off in France this week, is one of three players in the side experimenting with new high-tech clothing. Its maker claims it will improve performance by ionising the body. Vickery, Andrew Sheridan, 27, and Matt Stevens, 24, will wear a special layer under their shirts that uses a process originally developed by scientists in Nazi Germany to keep bomber crews alert. The vest is coated with a liquid wash which, when it comes into contact with the skin, delivers ionic energy to the body through a negatively charged electromagnetic field. The manufacturer says this stimulates the flow of oxygen-enriched blood to bring more energy to the muscles. The result is an increase in power output, speed and strength. The improvement in blood flow also flushes out waste productsquick-ening the body’s recovery time. Scientists who have tested the technology, called Ionx, say it does produce a minor increase in peak performance."


Man returns home in coffin: "A Romanian builder who injured his back travelled hundreds of miles home in a coffin. Mitev Jordanov had been working in a village in Macedonia when the accident happened. After a few days in hospital doctors told him he could go home, but that he could only be transported lying flat on his back. Under local laws ambulances can only be used to transport people whose life is in serious danger. Taxi drivers also refused to take him saying they were not insured for such jobs. So Mitev's boss borrowed a hearse from a friend who runs an undertakers and put him in a coffin and drove him back to Romania. Mitev explained: "It was the only way we could think of to make sure I lay completely flat all the way."


(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)



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Saturday, September 01, 2007



Puppini Sisters

In case there is anybody who has not heard the wonderfully evocative 40s-style music of the Puppini sisters, there is a video link here to their version of "Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy"







THE NEWS



Monster spider web spun in Texas: "Entomologists are debating the origin and rarity of a sprawling spider web that blankets several trees, shrubs and the ground along a 200-yard stretch of trail in a North Texas park. Officials at Lake Tawakoni State Park say the massive mosquito trap is a big attraction for some visitors, while others won't go anywhere near it. "At first, it was so white it looked like fairyland," said Donna Garde, superintendent of the park about 45 miles east of Dallas. "Now it's filled with so many mosquitoes that it's turned a little brown. There are times you can literally hear the screech of millions of mosquitoes caught in those webs." Spider experts say the web may have been constructed by social cobweb spiders, which work together, or could be the result of a mass dispersal in which the arachnids spin webs to spread out from one another. "I've been hearing from entomologists from Ohio, Kansas, British Columbia -- all over the place," said Mike Quinn, an invertebrate biologist with the Texas Parks and Wildlife Department who first posted photos online." [The second pic above shows a similar phenomenon in Australia]


Noisy leafblower pest attacked: "Police have charged a man over the assault of an elderly maintenance man who was using a leafblower outside a block of Cottesloe flats. It is alleged the 73-year-old was abused and punched in an unprovoked attack yesterday. Police spokesman Ian Hasleby said the man was using a leaf blower outside the Forrest St flats when he was confronted by one of the occupants and assaulted. He was treated for minor injuries at Fremantle Hospital. A 28-year-old was charged with aggravated assault causing bodily harm and will appear in Perth Magistrates Court on September 4."




Kung fu monks reject claims ninja beat them: "CHINA'S Shaolin Temple, the cradle of Chinese kung fu, is demanding an apology from an internet user who said its monks had once been beaten in unarmed combat by a Japanese ninja, Chinese media reported today. Shaolin Temple, in the northern province of Henan, became famous in the West as the training ground for Kwai Chang "Grasshopper" Caine in the 1970s Kung Fu TV series. Ninjas - professional assassins trained in martial arts - date back to mediaeval Japan. "The so-called defeat is purely fabricated, and we demand the internet user to apologise to the whole nation for the wrongs he or she did," the Beijing News said, citing a notice announced by a lawyer for the Shaolin monks. The internet user, calling themselves "Five Minutes Every Day", said on an online forum last week that a Japanese ninja came to Shaolin, asked for a fight and many monks failed to beat him, the newspaper said. "The facts that the monks could not defeat a Japanese ninja showed that they were named as kung fu masters in vain," the internet user was quoted as saying in the post. The Shaolin temple "strongly condemned the horrible deeds" of the user, the newspaper said. "It is not only extremely irresponsible behaviour with respect to the Shaolin temple and its monks, but also to the whole martial art and Chinese nation," it quoted the monks as saying."


Cars smash up man's home for 10th time: "A German man fears he may have built his own tomb after a vehicle ploughed into his house for the 10th time. "If we stay, someone's eventually going to kill us. We're living in a time bomb," Manfred Sedlazek, 59, told Reuters. Mr Sedlazek is reluctant to leave the house he built himself, which is on a bend of a busy road, but said it may be his only chance of survival. Earlier this week, a 40-tonne truck blasted through the side of the red-brick house in the village of Karlshoefen, in northern Germany. Mr Sedlazek returned home from shopping to find the shattered vehicle sticking out of his living room. Police estimated the damage at more than $160,000. Nine previous smashes into the two-storey building Mr Sedlazek shares with his wife have wrecked his kitchen, bedroom and garden, causing damage worth tens of thousands of euros."




(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)



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